


Matsustuck

by 4themindandsoul, KayoHisei



Category: Homestuck, おそ松さん | Osomatsu-san (Anime)
Genre: Brotherly Love, Gen, Light Angst, tags will be updated as story goes on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-09-17 13:59:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 29,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4themindandsoul/pseuds/4themindandsoul, https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayoHisei/pseuds/KayoHisei
Summary: Six idiots play Sburb.





	1. Chapter 1

A young NEET stands in his room. Though it's been ten years since this NEET was a child, his mind remains as it was a decade ago.  
What shall we name this NEET?  


You contemplate entering some silly and asinine nicknames to give this NEET. Perhaps DUMBASS MCGEE or HAPLESS HORSEFUCKER.   


You decide to try entering an offensive appellation into this NEET's placronym.   


Ah, unfortunately you cannot give this NEET a name!   


He has had one since his thirteenth birthday!   


Alright, what's this NEET's name?

******

Your name is OSOMATSU MATSUNO. You are the ELDEST of IDENTICAL SEXTUPLETS. You normally spend your days wasting TIME and being generally useless. But quite honestly, your brothers are just as useless as you are. For the most part. Some of your brothers recently managed to secure jobs or go to school and move up in this MERCILESS LADDER CALLED SOCIOECONOMIC STATUS. Oh well. There was a time that you would have cared about that. Quite a lot. But long has passed since you've given up on squandering your brothers' individuality. Because no matter how similar or different you all are, the SIX OF YOU ARE ONE.  


That aside, you do love to GAMBLE quite a bit. While not lazing around at home, you can often be found wasting your parents' money at PACHINKO PARLORS and HORSE RACES. God, do you love horse racing. Your mind wanders off fondly to an occasion when you won the notoriously risky TRIFECTA with your brothers. Unfortunately, you neglected to buy a ticket that time, so your bets were in vain. Even more unfortunate were some of the other events that transpired that day. Some horses are just a LITTLE BIT TOO ZEALOUS AROUND YOU. You wonder if you'll be able to look at a horse the same way again after that day.   


Your chumhandle is  moneyMeister and you tend to speak very casually and vulgarly.

******

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136931) [2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136952) [3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136976) [4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136997) [5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137027) [6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137060)  


Oh, what's this?   


Pick a number and decide your fate! The amount of choice you have is staggering. You don't think you are quite ready for that yet.   


Rest assured, you are ready. Believe in yourself.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the crossover shitpost that no one asked for.  
> [Matsustuck Tumblr](https://matsustuckfic.tumblr.com/)


	2. Chapter 2

My, my, it looks like you've taken quite a liking to this cheeky crimson asshole. Well, like we've already established, your name is OSOMATSU MATSUNO. You are the ELDEST of IDENTICAL SEXTUPLETS. You normally spend your days wasting TIME and being generally useless. But quite honestly, your brothers are just as useless as you are. For the most part. Some of your brothers recently managed to secure jobs or go to school and move up in this MERCILESS LADDER CALLED SOCIOECONOMIC STATUS. Oh well. There was a time that you would have cared about that. Quite a lot. But long has passed since you've given up on squandering your brothers' individuality. Because no matter how similar or different you all are, the SIX OF YOU ARE ONE.  


That aside, you do love to GAMBLE quite a bit. While not lazing around at home, you can often be found wasting your parents' money at PACHINKO PARLORS and HORSE RACES. God, do you love horse racing. Your mind wanders off fondly to an occasion when you won the notoriously risky TRIFECTA with your brothers. Unfortunately, you neglected to buy a ticket that time, so your bets were in vain. Even more unfortunate were some of the other events that transpired that day. Some horses are just a LITTLE BIT TOO ZEALOUS AROUND YOU. You wonder if you'll be able to look at a horse the same way again after that day.  


Your chumhandle is  moneyMeister and you tend to speak very casually and vulgarly.

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136931) [2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136952) [3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136976) [4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136997) [5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137027) [6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137060)   
  
[I've already met all these idiots. Now what?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137222)   
  



	3. Chapter 3

Holy shit what the fuck is this asshole wearing.  


You reply that you're wearing your PERFECT FASHION. You will never be caught dead in nothing less grandeur than your sparkly sequin pants and leather jacket. How else will you be able to charm your ✧*:･ﾟKARAMATSU GIRLS*:･ﾟ✧? Who is Karamatsu, you say? Why only the most FABULOUS, HANDSOME, STYLISH DANDY IN ALL OF PARADOX SPACE. In other words, that's you. Your name is KARAMATSU MATSUNO and by god you're quite a painful guy.   


Of course, you don't try to be painful. What does "painful" mean? People keep pointing at you and saying "painful". But you haven't hit them, or kicked them. Why are they in pain? You don't live for the sake of hurting people. Why?! WHY IS IT THAT YOU LOVE EVERYONE SO MUCH, YET YOU HURT THEM?!   


This must be the hedgehog's dilemma.   


…   


You decide to shut up for a moment. You don't want to have to call an ambulance on anyone right now. That's just too much for such a sinful man like you.   


…   


As mentioned earlier, you have an aptitude for FASHION. So much so that you're currently studying fashion at a VOCATIONAL SCHOOL. You think that it's about time you've moved on with your life, after so many years of living as a bottom-feeding NEET with your brothers. Ah, your brothers. Man, do you love them so. However, you sometimes wonder if they love you back. On many occasions you feel VOID of acknowledgement, courtesy of your brothers. And some frightfully tasty fruits.  


Your chumhandle is  painfulPrat  and  you have a propensity to speak with a garish and ostentatious vocabulary.

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136931) [2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136952) [3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136976) [4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136997) [5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137027) [6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137060)  
  
[I've already met all these idiots. Now what?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137222)  



	4. Chapter 4

Your name is CHOROMATSU MATSUNO. You are currently at your newly-acquired job as a PHARMACY TECHNICIAN. Finally you can sincerely call yourself a functional member of society, rather than the odious waste of SPACE you previously were.  


But no matter how much you contribute to society, you are still a piece of trash, or more specifically, OTAKU TRASH. When you're not at work, you can often be found frequenting idol concerts or stores selling anime merchandise. Especially ones that focus on your all-time favorite idol, NYAA-CHAN. She makes the most melodious music you have ever heard, and is utterly adorable to boot. You know that one day you will marry Nyaa-chan.   


What?   


That is totally a thing that will happen.   


No, you are not RISING again. How ridiculous to even propose such a thing! You are a completely reasonable human being! Especially out of all your brothers. While those assholes run around like rampaging idiots, you like to be the VOICE OF REASON. However, your brothers sometimes insist that you can be just as ridiculous as them at times. But you know they're wrong. Obviously.   


Your chumhandle is  fappyGap  and  you are going to mURDER OSOMATSU FOR HACKING INTO YOUR PESTERCHUM ACCOUNT.

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136931) [2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136952) [3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136976) [4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136997) [5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137027) [6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137060)  
  
[I've already met all these idiots. Now what?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137222)  



	5. Chapter 5

Uuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhh do you have to do this introduction? You think it's quite pointless. You don’t want to know more about such a worthless piece of unburnable trash like yourself. That's right. You're worthless trash that does not deserve the light of day. Or the light of night. In fact, you are banned from light originating from any point of temporal reference. You just want to be left alone so you can sulk to yourself.  


What? Apparently you still have to do the introduction no matter what. It is quite important to render yourself in an appropriately symbolic manner when dealing with character introductions.  


Fine. Whatever.  


Your name is ICHIMATSU MATSUNO and you really don't feel up to much of anything right now. Then again, you generally don't feel up to much of anything. Oftentimes you will tag along with your brothers in their LUCIDROUS SHENANIGANS, but that's mostly just what you do. Tag along. It's not like you have friends right? Well not quite. You have lots of friends, but they are mostly FELINE in nature. One of the few things that do manage to pique your interest is CATS. You fucking LOVE cats. Sometimes you feel as though they're your only friends.  


Anyway, who needs real friends? You think they're too much work to handle anyway. No one is going to want to hang out with such a terrible person like you unless it's out of pity. And though the thought of your haplessness occasionally fills you with RAGE, you've more or less accepted that. Plus like you mentioned, you have your cats. And though you would hate to admit it, you have your brothers by your side as well.  


Your chumhandle is  fuckingFurry  and you're a pretty quiet person who doesn't give many fucks about a lot of things.

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136931) [2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136952) [3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136976) [4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136997) [5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137027) [6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137060)  
  
[I've already met all these idiots. Now what?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137222)  



	6. Chapter 6

OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOY IT'S YOUR TURN ISN'T IT?!?!?!?!?!  


YES YES YES IT IS!!!!!   


...   


HUSTLE HUSTLE MUSCLE MUSCLE   


MUSCLE MUSCLE HUSTLE HUSTLE   


...   


WHAT WAS THAT?   


...   


OH, CALM DOWN? Ok.   


Now that you've calmed down a little, you decide to introduce yourself properly.   


Your name is JYUSHIMATSU MATSUNO and you are currently exploding with energy! Which is 100% possible right now considering...it's you. You are Jyushimatsu. You have the ability to turn your world into text by contemplating your EXISTENCE and what makes you different from your five other clones. You also LOVE baseball! It doesn't matter which field you play on, you'll happily harvest dirt from it! You HOPE that one day you will be able to hit a THREE KING HOMERUN. You will score the most amazing triaristocratic hit in all of baseball history. You will get all the runs. All of them. You failed to that one time you were facing space aliens in a baseball game, which is even more motivation to improve your skills. Additionally, swinging a bat over and over passes the time tremendously, and it helped you meet SOMEONE SPECIAL. You have all the time in the world, you don't mind being a waste of space and at the lowest caste of society. You also LOVE your brothers. Hanging out with your brothers, going to bars and oden stands, and just being you. Oh, going to DEKAPAN'S LABORATORY is fun as well. He always has some CRAZY INVENTION. In fact, you are standing there right now, waiting as he sorts through his new batch of gadgets. It's fun and interesting to experiment too, and the wacky results entertain you greatly...except for that one time. We don't talk about that around here.   


Your chumhandle is  muscleHustle and YOU SPEAK ALOUD FOR THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT IT'S A WONDERFUL DAY.

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136931) [2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136952) [3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136976) [4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136997) [5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137027) [6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137060)  
  
[I've already met all these idiots. Now what?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137222)  



	7. Chapter 7

Hm? What do we have here?  


Oh, it's a lovely reader, waiting to know more about you! It'd be rude not to introduce yourself! You certainly pride yourself on your social interaction skills.   


Your name is TODOMATSU MATSUNO, and you are currently standing in the break room of a SUTABAA, thankfully not the one you worked at previously. Your IDIOT BROTHERS have ruined all chances of ever salvaging your REPUTATION back there ever again. That doesn't matter right now. You're quite happy that you have some company, although you did enjoy your alone time. You are quite pleased at the fact that you can show your guests how CUTE you can be. Hopefully you'll get on their good side. You're quite happy that you're not a useless NEET anymore and have escaped the depths of social hell, unlike some of your brothers. But of course, you plan to bring them up to your level as well. You've been pouring your HEART into it this whole time, so it's not like a little more could hurt. Speaking of your brothers, they often call you TWO FACED and SLY, but that's just not true at all! You just know your way around people and how to get connections. Oh, that reminds you, you probably should put your social media accounts here so that the readers can follow you. After all, you definitely have some interesting days, like when you hiked the highest mountain in all of Japan alone, or your gym days where you get to show off how you look.   


...   


All right, you'll get on with it. It's not like it's too big of a deal if you just stretch it out a bit to add them in, right? Or at least your LINE number? It won't hurt at all!   


...   


Right, right, on with the story, you guess. Quite impatient, but that's alright.  


Your chumhandle is  heartlessDemon  and  you prefer to lace you texts with emoticons to get your tone across :3 (You also have to figure out how to stop Osomatsu from changing your handle :/)

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136931) [2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136952) [3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136976) [4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21136997) [5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137027) [6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137060)  
  
[I've already met all these idiots. Now what?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9328022/chapters/21137222)  



	8. Chapter 8

You are now Osomatsu again. You're so excited. You can't believe Totoko-chan invited you and you alone to hang out. Totoko usually barely tolerates you or your brothers, and now she invited you into her own home! Maybe now's the day she'll finally confess her love for you. Totoko-chan is the most perfect girl a man could wish for, you think. Not only is Totoko super honest and talented, but she is downright fucking hot.  


You just hope this occasion won't turn out like the last time Totoko invited you over to her house. But it's been a while and so far none of your brothers have arrived, bursting through the door to court Totoko, so you think you're in the clear.  


You decide to peer around Totoko's room. It looks like a typical girl's room to you. Neat and clean, with pink wallpaper and frilly wall decals.  


Except is that…?  


Oh god there's a teddy bear with a knife stuck through its poor, plush heart.  


You decide to not think about that too much. After all, Totoko does have some anger issues at times.  


You take out your laptop and decide to check your email. There's a bunch of junkmail and advertisements. One of the emails looks pretty strange to you, however.  


It was sent from .@gmail.com and does not contain a subject line nor a message body.  


But it does contain two absurdly large file attachments. Way too large to be sent over email under normal circumstances.  


You read the files' names. Holy shi—  


_Ping ping ping._   


It looks like someone is pestering you.  


\-- fappyGap [FG]  began pestering  moneyMeister [MM] at lol insert time --  


FG: OSOMATSU-NIISAN.  
FG: CHANGE IT BACK.  
MM: change what back?  
FG: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.  
MM: but what if I dont  
FG: I KNOW IT WAS YOU.  
FG: WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE.  
MM: probably you  
MM: your old chumhandle was so booooooring  
MM: and you finally decided to embrace the huge fappy bastard inside you  
MM: and outside you  
MM: in fact thats just you  
MM: a huge fappy gap  
MM: ;)  
FG: HA.  
FG: You admit changing it.  
FG: Also, fuck you.  
MM: oh noooooo you caught me red handed. whatever shall i do  
FG: cHANGE IT BACK MAYBE.  
MM: nah  
FG: How did you even figure out how to hack my Pesterchum account?  
FG: You got help, didn't you?  
MM: yeah  
MM: dekapan showed me how haha  
MM: ;)  
FG: Great. You have the chance to learn something useful like programming, and then you use it to antagonize me. How lovely.  
MM: oh it wasnt just you  
MM: i hacked everyone elses accounts too  
MM: as if youre the only fun one to antagonize hahaaaaaa  
MM: hell i even changed my own screenname  
FG: Holy shit, you did.  
FG: "fuckingFurry"  
FG: Nice one.  
FG: Oh, Totty's screenname is perfect.  
MM: perfect for a stupid youngest brother who cant be bothered to show his brothers the slightest bit of care  
FG: Exactly. Remember the time he got a job at Sutabaa without telling us?  
MM: lol of course  
MM: and how he lied to those cute employees  
MM: university student amirite  
MM: i cant believe they let him work there again  
FG: I think he's working at a different Sutabaa this time.  
MM: lol well then  
MM: at least he told us about it this time  
FG: Yeah.  
FG: Oh, did you see the new Homestuck Snapchats?  
MM: nah not yet  
FG: You've got to see these. They're so weird.  


\-- fappyGap [FG] shared files --  


MM: shit that is weird hahahahahaha   
MM: but wanna know whats even weirder?   


\-- moneyMeister[MM] shared sburb_client.exe \--  
\-- moneyMeister[MM] shared sburb_server.exe \--  


FG: Where the ever-living fuck did you get those.  
FG: Are they real?  
MM: idk probs not  
MM: theyre probably viruses or something  
FG: I'm going to install them.  
FG: And you're going to play with me.  
FG: I'll be right back.  


\-- fappyGap [FG] ceased pestering moneyMeister [MM] at who knows what time --  


Well then. You have a feeling it's going to be a long day.  



	9. Chapter 9

You are now Jyushimatsu, and you’re still standing in that lab. Really? Ok, that’s fine. But should there really be cats in a lab filled with Dekapan's dangerous creations?  


Oh! It’s ESP Kitty! You’ve been wondering where he went, since he wasn’t at your house when you left. Ichimatsu-niisan might want him back soon, so you’d better hold onto him for now. Maybe you could even look for a second dose of the truth serum! Or well, it’s probably better to wait for Dekapan to get back than to go off searching for it. You’ll mess around with Dekapan's computer in the meantime. You go to power on his computer, and look at the plethora of probably important files on there. Maybe you shouldn’t touch those...but you probably should download Pesterchum at least so you can talk to your brothers! Especially Karamatsu, since he’s been at that school of his. Everyone misses him, even if no one wants to say it. Enough blabbering, time to log in!  


\-- muscleHustle [MH] is online --  


There we go! Now your brothers will know that you’re open for conversation! Oh, it looks like Dekapan’s coming back. You better go see what he has for you.  


Dekapan hands over a pack of weirdly looking cards. You have no idea what you’ll do with them. They’re titled...Captcha...cards? Whatever, you’ll keep them on hand in the meantime.  


You shove the cards into your pocket and thank Dekapan, before presenting him with ESP Kitty, and asking him if there’s any serum left.  


He says that he’ll look! There’s a chance you'll get to hear people’s thoughts again! Dekapan left again to look for the serum, so it looks like you have some fr-Oh, hey, someone’s pestering you.  


\-- fappyGap [FG] began pestering muscleHustle [MH] at who knows what time --  


FG: Jyushimatsu?  
FG: Hello?  
FG: You’re there, right?  
MH: CHOROMATSU-NIISAN!!!!!  
FG: Ah, good.  
FG: Listen.  
FG: I want you to play a game with me.  
MH: BASEBALL?????  
FG: No, not that!  
FG: It’s a different game!  
FG: One where our lives are at stake!  
MH: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?????  
FG: Ok, just take these files.  


\-- fappyGap [FG] shared sburb_client.exe \--  
\-- fappyGap [FG] shared sburb_server.exe \--  


FG: Now just open and run them, ok?  
MH: OKAY!  
MH: BY THE WAY,  
MH: WHAT IS THIS GAME CALLED?  
FG: Oh, it’s Sburb.  
FG The name’s not important. Just run it, ok?  
MH: OKAY!  
MH: OH AND CHOROMATSU-NIISAN?  
FG: Yeah?  
MH: WHAT ARE CAPTCHAS?????  
FG: I’m sorry?  
FG: Could you run that by me again?  
MH: WHAT ARE CAPTCHAS?????  
FG: ...  
FG: Where did you hear that word from?  
MH: PROFESSOR DEKAPAN GAVE ME SOME CARDS TITLED CAPTCHA CARDS!  
MH: I FIGURED THAT YOU MIGHT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT SINCE YOU’RE SO SMART! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD  
FG: They’re…  
FG: They're a kind of inventory card, I guess.  
FG: But the fact that that exists means that this is all going the way that it should…  
FG: By this point, I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing.  
MH: WHY?????  
MH: IF IT’S ALL RUNNING SMOOTH, THERE’S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, RIGHT?  
MH: SO IT’S ALL FINE!!!!!  
FG: I guess...anywho just run it. I'm going to talk to Karamatsu about it too. I’ll get back to you soon.  
MH: OKAY!!!!!  


\-- fappyGap [FG] ceased pestering muscleHustle [MH] at who knows what time --  


Alright, time to get this game running! Hopefully it’ll be as fun as you think it is! Speaking of that, why is your life on the line anyways? You're just going to be playing a fun game! No danger in that, right? Oooooh, maybe you should get some of your other brothers to play too! But whom? Choromatsu-niisan's already playing with you, Karamatsu-niisan and Totty are likely busy with school and work, and Osomatsu-niisan is busy at Totoko's house. Oh, of course, you'll ask Ichimatsu-niisan to play with you! He's always been such a good baseball practice partner, he'll definitely love this Sburb game! You hope that you and Ichimatsu-niisan will have a chance to practice bat swinging. Though you suppose you might have to be a little gentler than you were before so Ichimatsu doesn't fly off the bat or hurl his innards out. You don't want to kill him! Or anyone, for that matter.  


You learned your lesson from that one time with Totty. You now know better to not kill people with baseball.  


While the files Choromatsu sent you are downloading, you decide shoot Karamatsu-niisan a message over Pesterchum. You load your orthographical bullets into your linguistic gun, aim, and blast that motherfucker to your painful target.  


\-- muscleHustle [MH] began pestering painfulPrat [PP] at some point in this literary shitpost --  


MH: KARAMATSU-NIISAN!!!!!  
MH: HIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!  
MH: HOW ARE YOU????? :D  
PP: Ah, Jyushimatsu! How kind of you to send a message of such concern! It is truly a gentlemanly gesture. It warms my heart to know that you have such a genuine concern for my wellbeing. No doubt is this a highly jubilant occasion! Since you so kindly inquired, I am glad to say that I am doing quite well. Nary an unfortunate occurrence has transpired for me in recent weeks. In fact, studying the daunting art of fashion est très enrichissant. I am learning so many new conceptions about the lovely field of vestiary study. In fact, I am doing so well in my studies that I have been allotted an entire residence hall for my living quarters. I implored my peers and professors to let me have a more humble abode, for I do not need much! A sinful man, a guilt guy such as myself does not need lavish habitations to be content. But alas, my requests were denied. At times it almost seems like my peers and professors prefer to be secluded from me. It makes finding my hallowed ✧*:･ﾟKaramatsu Girls*:･ﾟ✧ exceedingly challenging. Oh well, c'est la vie!  
MH: AH.  
PP: Currently I am drafting an outline for a new design. I thought, since my gliterified jeggings and tank top attract so much exhilarated exhortation from my peers, why not expand the line to include more articles of clothing? Yes, I am working on creating an entire line of clothing filled to the brim with scintillating blazers, shirts, dresses and shoes. Now everyone on this wonderful planet will be able to shine brightly like a star!  
MH: AH.  
PP: Yes indeed, my Jyushimatsu. Now! Enough about me. How are you on this fine day?  
MH: I'M GOOD!  
MH: I THINK DEKAPAN'S WORKING ON A NEW INVENTION.  
MH: HAVE YOU HEARD OF CAPTCHA CARDS?????  
MH: CHOROMATSU-NIISAN SAID THEY'RE A SORT OF INVENTORY.  
PP: No, I have not! That however is certainly curious.  
PP: Speaking of our chartreuse sibling, he is messaging me right now! I shall be available shortly, for I have left him waiting long enough.  
MH: OK BYE!  


\--  painfulPrat [PP] ceased pestering  muscleHustle [MH] at some temporal placeholder --  


Looks like your literary gun just got fucking bulldozered by Karamatsu. You don't understand half the stuff that guy says when he goes on tirades about his questionable interests. Then again, you're not really one to talk. You think people sometimes have more trouble understanding you more than Karamatsu. Ah well, at least he seems happy!  


You decide to examine the curious captcha cards you found in Dekapan's laboratory. They're strange, almost pentagonal objects with a large blank, white space in the middle. Huh.  


Oh there's Dekapan! Perhaps you can ask him about the cards.  


JYUSHIMATSU: DEKAPAN. WHAT ARE THESE?  
DEKAPAN: Hoeh, hoeh! That's a new invention I'm working on.  
DEKAPAN: They're for a brand-new contraption I made called the sylladex.  
DEKAPAN: They will make carrying objects around much more convenient for everyone.  
DEKAPAN: I've finished building the first one, would you like to try it, dasu?  
JYUSHIMATSU: SURE I'D LOVE TO :DDDDD  
DEKAPAN: Hoeh, hoeh, great!  
DEKAPAN: Let me explain how this works. A captcha card, like the one you are holding, can hold an item. Your sylladex has the capacity to use many captcha cards, so you can hold many items at once, dasu.  
DEKAPAN: This sylladex is different from other ones I've been working on, for it uses a special type of Fetch Modus called the Sync Modus.  
DEKAPAN: So if you deposit an item into this sylladex, other people who have the same modus will find the item in their inventory as well, dasu.  
JYUSHIMATSU: WOOOOOW SO COOL!!!!!  
DEKAPAN: Indeed! Though right now, the sync functions are not very useful, as there is only one sylladex like this available.  
DEKAPAN: Why don't I replicate this sylladex first?  
JYUSHIMATSU: OH YES.  
JYUSHIMATSU: HEY DEKAPAN.  
DEKAPAN: Yes?  
JYUSHIMATSU: IF YOU'RE GOING TO DUPLICATE THEM, CAN I GIVE SOME TO MY BROTHERS TOO :DDDDD  
DEKAPAN: Sure, dasu!  


After Dekapan duplicates the sylladices, you sendificate one to each of your brothers. That should be a pleasant surprise for them! Though you should probably explain what they're for. And hey, weren't you going to chat with Ichimatsu-niisan? You decide to start with him.  


\--  muscleHustle [MH] began pestering  fuckingFurry [FF] at some point in this literary shitpost --  


MH: HEY ICHIMATSU-NIISAN.  
MH: DID YOU GET IT?  
FF: get what.  
MH: THE SYLLADEX.  
FF: sylladex? what is that.  
MH: WEIRD CARD SHAPED THINGS THAT I SENT TO YOU.  
MH: YOU USE THEM TO STORE STUFF.  
FF: no, let me look around.  


\--  fuckingFurry [FF] is idle! --  


FF: ok, i found it.  
FF: you can put stuff in them?  
MH: THAT IS WHAT DEKAPAN TOLD ME. :D  
MH: MAYBE I CAN WRITE A NOTE ABOUT HOW THEY WORK.  
MH: DEKAPAN SAYS IF I PUT AN ITEM IN MY SYLLADEX, IT WILL APPEAR IN YOURS TOO.  
MH: AND THE ONE OSOMATSU-NIISAN, KARAMATSU-NIISAN, CHOROMATSU-NIISAN AND TOTTY SHOULD HAVE NOW.  
FF: ok.  
MH: BY THE WAY. YOU SHOULD PLAY THIS GAME WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
MH: CHOROMATSU-NIISAN SENT IT TO ME. IT JUST FINISHED DOWNLOADING. :DDDDD  


\-- muscleHustle [MH] shared sburb_client.exe \--  
\-- muscleHustle [MH] shared sburb_server.exe \--  


FF: eh? are you sure you want to play with me?  
MH: OH YES :DDDDD  
MH: YOU MAKE SUCH AN AWESOME BASEBALL PRACTICE PARTNER.  
MH: YOU WILL BE SURE TO STRIKE A THREE KING HOMERUN IN THIS GAME :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD  
FF: i highly doubt that. i suck at games. but alright.  
FF: i'll let you know when it's done downloading.  
MH: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY :DDDDD  


\--  muscleHustle [MH] ceased pestering  fuckingFurry [FF] at some point in this literary shitpost --   



	10. Chapter 10

After being that sunny fellow for a while, you decide to switch to being a much less sunny, much more anxious fellow. You're anxious about your job, anxious about your family, anxious about your future, or lack of future, considering what Osomatsu-niisan just sent you.

For years you've been having dreams on a golden yellow moon surrounding an equally golden yellow planet. At first, you thought nothing of these nocturnal manifestations. After all, normal people's dreams are often outlandish and ridiculous too.

But weeks turned into months, which turned into years since you've first started having these strange dreams.

You tried telling your brothers and parents about your extremely lucid and prophetic dreams, but they recanted your claims. After all, those dreams were just pieced together by your tired and troubled subconscious in a pitiful effort to reorganize itself, right? And obviously there must be something wrong with you for having the same kind of dreams for so long, right?

Maybe not.

Ever since Osomatsu-niisan showed you Homestuck, you thought maybe, maybe that there was a slight chance that you might not have been going insane. What if Prospit really was real? What if Skaia destined you to play Sburb? No, that couldn't possibly be the case, right? Homestuck's just a damn webcomic, after all.

But now that Osomatsu-niisan has obtained what appears to be a working version of Sburb, perhaps that really is true.

You decide it's best to message Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu about the matter. After all, you've seen those two lying sound asleep on Prospit a countless amount of times. Given the now large probability of Prospit's startlingly high realness attribute, you have an inkling that maybe they're destined to play Sburb with you.

You decide to message Jyushimatsu first. 

\-- fappyGap [FG] began pestering muscleHustle [MH] at who knows what time --

FG: Jyushimatsu?  
FG: Hello?  
FG: You’re there, right?  
MH: CHOROMATSU-NIISAN!!!!!  
FG: Ah, good.  
FG: Listen.  
FG: I want you to play a game with me.  
MH: BASEBALL?????  
FG: No, not that!  
FG: It’s a different game!

What? It appears that the reader has already read this conversation! You decide to skip the remainder of this exchange for convenience. The convenience meter shoots spectacularly in your favor. You are amazed at how easily you can forego conversations you've already had. You move on to message Karamatsu.

\-- fappyGap [FG] began pestering painfulPrat [PP] at who knows what time --

FG: Hey, Karamatsu.  
FG: Are you there?  
FG: …  
FG: …  
FG: …  
FG: Dammit.

\-- fappyGap [FG] ceased pestering painfulPrat [PP] at who knows what time --

That idiot won't respond to you. How dare he ignore you! It's not like you'd ever do the same to him, right?

Ok, that is a bald-headed lie. It's like you took an electric razor and shaved that lie's head clean. You'd totally ignore Karamatsu like that. But hey, so would any of your brothers. You admit that at times you all don't treat Karamatsu as well as you all ought to, but hey, it's not like you all hate him or anything!

Actually, nah, you all hate him. However, you all hate each other in general. Because you're all terrible.

But that doesn't mean that you all want each other dead or anything. Hell, you'd hazard a guess and say that the six of you share some pretty strong storgic bonds, despite the many conflicts you all get in when you're together, either physically or digitally. Which is practically always.

You began installing the Sburb client and server applications a few minutes ago. Looks like they're done now. You think you'll talk to Jyushimatsu and have him connect to you as your client.

_Ping ping ping._

Oh, so now that asshole finally responds.

\-- painfulPrat [PP] began pestering fappyGap [FG] at some temporal placeholder --

PP: Ah, I am so sorry to keep you waiting, my dearest Choromatsu! I was merely conversing with Jyushimatsu about my ravishing escapades at my new educational institution. It really is amazing, all the fresh, bright intellectual minds here! I feel so privileged to donate my wealth of artistic talent to this fountain of progress. You must feel the same, I presume! How wondrous it must be for you to participate in the most medicinal of apothecary sciences. It must do your heart good to know that every day, every hour, every minute of your employed life is dedicated toward bettering the lives of the ill and feeble! Comme c'est genial!  
FG: I don't care, Kusomatsu.  
FG: Just shut up and take these.

\-- fappyGap [FG]shared sburb_client.exe \--  
\-- fappyGap [FG] shared sburb_server.exe \--

FG: We're going to play a game together.  
PP: A game? What sort of game?  
FG: A video game. Jyushimatsu's going to play too. You need to install both those files. Especially the client, since Jyushimatsu's going to connect to you as your server player.  
PP: How lovely! This will be the perfect opportunity for us brothers to bond.  
FG: More like die.  
PP: What?  
FG: Never mind.  
FG: Oh, what the hell is this.

\-- fappyGap [FG] ceased pestering painfulPrat [PP] at who knows what time --

You are greeted with several flat objects that you recognize as captcha cards. One of them has a note in it.

HIIIIIIIIIIIIII EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE THIS WORKS! I JUST SENT YOU ALL COPIES OF A SYLLADEX THAT DEKAPAN JUST INVENTED! IT SHOULD HELP YOU STORE YOUR STUFF MORE EASILY. HE SAID IT USES THE SYNC MODUS, SO WHATEVER YOU PUT IN YOUR SYLLADEX, WE WILL ALL BE ABLE TO ACCESS IT! BUT IF YOU TAKE AN ITEM OUT OF YOUR SYLLADEX, IT WILL DISAPPEAR FROM EVERYONE'S INVENTORIES. THAT'S ALL!!!!!  
-SCORE MANY GAME WINNING HOME RUNS FOR ME,  
JYUSHIMATSU  
OH WAIT.  
IF YOU'RE READING THIS LETTER, PLEASE PUT IT BACK TO YOUR SYLLADEX SO EVERYONE CAN READ IT :DDDDD  
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seems like Jyushimatsu really was referring to captcha cards back there. Sync modus huh? You suppose this will come in handy.

You put the note back into your sylladex and ponder what to do next. Osomatsu should be done installing Sburb. Perhaps you'll check on him. 

What? Job?

Ah right. You are at work right now. But it's not that big of a deal. The pharmacy you work at is pretty small, and today isn't a very busy day. In fact, you are the only person present right now. It's so nice and quiet, you'd be pretty relaxed right now it weren't for the fact that you're pretty sure you are beginning the end of the world. Just look at that clear blue sky. It's so bright and pretty, though not as spectacular as Skaia. 

Wait a minute.

Oh hell is that a meteor???

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	11. Chapter 11

You are now a certain socially inclined sextuplet. You feel like that you’ve been on break forever, even though it’s only been a minute or two. How the hell are you going to pass time?! You could fiddle with your phone, but its battery is currently dead. For goodness sakes, you need to turn on battery saver when you have the time. You just plugged it in, so hopefully it'll become usable in a little bit. Oh well, might as well use one of the computers here. You open up a computer and quickly log onto your numerous social media sites. It seems that meteors are apparently a common occurance today? Maybe you’ll be lucky enough to see one. Hmmm...speaking of social media, you might as well check to see if this computer has Pesterchum installed. You vaguely remember downloading it a while ago, but you might as well check. Your annoying brothers are pretty good company, not that you'll ever tell them that. Oh, it’s already installed? Perfect! That saves a lot of time for you, which is great, since you might have to go off break soon. 

\-- heartlessDemon [HD] is now online --

Alright, now to check your Tumblr and post a status upd-

\-- moneyMeister [MM] began pestering heartlessDemon [HD] at lol insert time --

Are you kidding?! Whatever. You suppose you'll humor Osomatsu-niisan for a few minutes.

MM: totty?  
MM: hey totty  
MM: tottyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
HD: What do you want? (;¬_¬)  
MM: sup  
HD: Is that all you’re going to say?! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡  
MM: alright fine  
MM: youre in a large area right?  
MM: or just in a place that had building potential?  
HD: Not really, why? (^・ω・^ )  
MM: dosent matter here take these

\-- moneyMeister [MM] shared sburb_client.exe \--  
\-- moneyMeister [MM] shared sburb_server.exe \--

HD: What is...Sburb? =＾● ⋏ ●＾=  
MM: a game  
MM: plaaaaaay with meeeeeeeeeeee  
HD: Nope. (=^･ｪ･^=))ﾉ彡☆  
MM: toooooottttttttttttttttttyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
HD: Stop that.  
HD: It’s just a stupid game, so I can play later. ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌  
MM: plz  
MM: im your eldest brother~  
MM: also  
MM: our lives are on the line  
HD: Hah? Exactly how? (￣ω￣;)  
MM: the game wants to fucking end us  
MM: and were going to die if you dont play with us  
HD: You’ve got to be kidding me, that’s so stupid. (￢_￢)  
HD: I’ve got work to get to, so see you later! ☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ  
MM: wait totty no

\-- heartlessDemon [HD] ceased pestering moneyMeister [MM] at some arbitrary time --

That was...interesting. But you honestly have no idea what Osomatsu-niisan was talking about. There’s no such thing as a game that puts your life at risk. Except for the Russian roulette. Don’t play that at home, kids. Anyway, you’re going to have to delete those files soon, since that is 115% not your computer. 

_Plop_

What was that? You look around for the sound's source. Oh, it’s just some cards. Wait, since when do cards appear out of nowhere? Ah, who cares. You pick them up and examine them. One of them appears to have a message. 

HIIIIIIIIIIIIII EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE THIS WORKS! I JUST SENT YOU ALL COPIES OF A SYLLADEX THAT DEKAPAN JUST INVENTED! IT SHOULD HELP YOU STORE YOUR STUFF MORE EASILY. HE SAID IT USES THE SYNC MODUS, SO WHATEVER YOU PUT IN YOUR SYLLADEX, WE WILL ALL BE ABLE TO ACCESS IT! BUT IF YOU TAKE AN ITEM OUT OF YOUR SYLLADEX, IT WILL DISAPPEAR FROM EVERYONE'S INVENTORIES. THAT'S ALL!!!!!  
-SCORE MANY GAME WINNING HOME RUNS FOR ME,  
JYUSHIMATSU  
OH WAIT.  
IF YOU'RE READING THIS LETTER, PLEASE PUT IT BACK TO YOUR SYLLADEX SO EVERYONE CAN READ IT :DDDDD  
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, that actually sounds pretty cool! Not counting the part where your brothers will have access to your stuff. Your phone and your...entertainment materials are important, after all. You’d really rather-

\-- painfulPrat [PP] began pestering heartlessDemon [HD] at some temporal placeholder --

CAN YOU DO ANYTHING WITHOUT INTERRUPTIONS?! You haven’t even put the note back!

PP: My dear brother Todomatsu, I have noticed your presence online and decided to grace you with my presence! Am I wrong to inquire that you are currently resting after laboring at your profession?  
HD: Karamatsu-niisan, that’s really painful. (#￣ω￣)  
PP: My absolute dearest apologies, my brother! I had no malicious intents to harm you in such a manner. However, our lovely brother Choromatsu has brought to our attention that there is a game which places our lives at wager. It is of my utmost concern to confirm your wellbeing and convince you to join our game session as well in order to preserve your lifeblood.  
HD: Oh, I heard about that from Osomatsu-niisan. So he’s not joking? Σ(°ロ°)  
PP: I am certain our eldest brother would never have come across such a thought! All of our lives are on the line, and I am here to inform you of danger in order to bring you into our party, as our youngest brother deserves to be saved from the doom that is arriving to our world. According to your previous dialogue, you seem to convey that you have received notification on the game and its nature as well. Is it rude if I catechize if you have obtained the files for the game from him?  
HD: Karamatsu-niisan, seriously, that’s too many painful sentences. (╬⓪益⓪)  
HD: But yeah, I did get them. I’m not sure exactly what I’m supposed to be doing with these now. Should I just run them? ლ(¯ロ¯"ლ)  
PP: That is what I would recommend. I myself am currently running the program in anticipation for a client and server player to connect to.  
HD: I just opened them right now, so hopefully they’ll finish loading soon. Speaking of which, aren’t you in your dorm at that school of yours? It hasn’t been treating you hard, has it? (⊙△⊙✿)  
PP: I give my most gracious gratitude for your concern towards me, dearest Todomatsu! I am currently faring well, despite the imminent doom Choromatsu has alluded to. I recently started sketching drafts for my new fashion line! All of my ✧*:･ﾟKaramatsu Girls*:･ﾟ✧ will certainly sparkle like no other when they learn of this new line based on my ✧*:･ﾟPerfect Fashion*:･ﾟ✧. It is so dazzling that my professors have allowed me to have an entire residence hall to focus on this project. Is it not just fabulous, my brother?  
HD: Painful...I really question if that’s what really happened...(￣ω ￣|||)  
HD: Anyways, I’m going to go put this note in that sylladex card thing...of course Dekapan makes something like this. Hopefully it’ll be useful. (◕‿◕✿)  
PP: Ah, the pile of cards with no explanation I had received piqued my interest. Perhaps you could inform me of this strange “sylladex”?  
HD: (；￣Д￣)  
HD: Right after I put it back…  
HD: It’s basically like an inventory in a game, except we can all access it.  
HD: It should show up in your deck as well.  
PP: Ah, so it has! I will definitely take a read of this!  
HD: Yeah, ok. I’ve got to go now, so do whatever.

\-- painfulPrat [PP] ceased pestering heartlessDemon [HD] at some temporal placeholder --


	12. Chapter 12

You are now a lazy ass NEET who’s still sitting around in Totoko’s room. Where even is she? Hopefully nothing bad has happened to her. Not to mention you have to warn your brothers! You've gotta be quick though, since you have only so much time before mayday arrives. But first, you've gotta have some beer.  


_Pop_  


Ah, there you go! That should help you handle the amount of work you’ll need to do. You turn to your laptop and peer at your Pesterchum contacts, mulling over which one of your brothers to contact. You hope Choromatsu has been working with some of them, since you’ve got a deadline too. You click on your youngest brother’s screename, and decide to poke him a little.

\-- moneyMeister [MM] began pestering heartlessDemon [HD] at lol insert time --

MM: totty?  
MM: hey totty  
MM: tottyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
HD: What do you want? (;¬_¬)

Oh, the reader’s already read this conversation before? The convenience meter approaches its limit. You are not sure if it can take this much convenience; it almost feels like cheating. Oh well. You suppose you’ll move forward to another one of your brothers and inform him of his impending doom. Let’s see...you decide to talk to Ichimatsu. You think you’ll hold off on Jyushimatsu for now, since you need to mentally prepare yourself before chatting with him. Talking with Jyushimatsu makes you pretty hyped up, though exchanges between you and him make you tired afterward. You take a swig of beer and start chatting with Ichimatsu.

\-- moneyMeister [MM] began pestering fuckingFurry [FF] at lol insert time --

MM: ichimatsu?  
MM: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
FF: yeah?  
MM: theres a game we have to play  
MM: before we all fucking die  
MM: play with meeeeee

\-- moneyMeister [MM] shared sburb_client.exe \--  
\-- moneyMeister [MM] shared sburb_server.exe \--

FF: oh that game.  
FF: i heard about that from jyushimatsu already.  
FF: although i didn’t know that we could die.  
MM: wtf  
MM: am i that useless  
MM: why  
FF: i honestly don’t know.  
FF: anyways is that all?  
MM: wait  
MM: jyushimatsu already has it?  
MM: man choromatsu has been busy  
FF: what?  
MM: oh he was talking about getting you all set up  
MM: i didnt expect him to be so quick  
MM: at least i was the first one to tell totty about the game hahahahahaha  
FF: oh.  
FF: anyways it’s running so like.  
FF: i’ll be playing soon.  
MM: got it  
MM: oh and btw  
MM: are mom and dad with you in the house?  
FF: yeah, why?  
MM: good  
MM: theyll be transported into the medium with you then  
FF: what.  
MM: okay so once you get a server player you get these machines  
MM: and one of them can make a thing  
MM: and once you do a thing with that thing you get transported to this planet in the middle of fucking nowhere  
MM: thats called the medium  
FF: i didn’t get more than the last two sentences.  
MM: thats good enough hahahahahaha  
FF: …  
FF: you shitty eldest brother.  
MM: hey dont go all choromatsu on me  
FF: well we’re all trash so i suppose i’m not one to talk.  
MM: hehe youve got us all there  
MM: guess ill go bother one of the others then  
FF: have fun  
FF: smack a few of them for me  
MM: you got it lil bro

\-- moneyMeister [MM] ceased pestering fuckingFurry [FF] at lol insert time --

Well, that didn’t go out as you planned. One brother completely left you in the dark, and another already got the files. Well, two, technically. That leaves...Karamatsu! Actually, you’re not completely sure you really want to talk to him…ah, whatever. Your life is already on the line, so it’s not like talking to Karamatsu will endanger your life any more. You open up a fresh beer and prepare to chat with Karamatsu.

\-- moneyMeister [MM] began pestering painfulPrat [PP] at lol insert time --

MM: karamatsu  
MM: yo  
PP: Ah, Osomatsu, my dear brother! What a marvelous pleasure it is to hear from you! Is there anything I may assist you with?  
MM: theres this game that will fucking kill us with meteors  
MM: play with us  
PP: Ah, it is the game that dear Choromatsu has notified everyone of, correct? Yes, I have thus received the files required to run the game and I am quite aware of our impending doom. Meteors however? What a spectacular brand of apocalyptical threat. Imagine meeting your death with the brilliance of a shooting star!  
MM: owwwwww that hurts  
MM: seriously youre going to kill us all before the meteors arrive  
MM: too bad totty didnt believe me. guess hell have to see it to believe it  
PP: That reminds me. I have also contacted Todomatsu, and it seems he has received the files from you.  
MM: yup i sent them to him  
MM: ill see you latesr then  
MM: *later  
PP: E-Eh??  
PP: Was that all, brother?  
MM: yep  
MM: gotta load up my game as well

\-- moneyMeister [MM] ceased pestering  painfulPrat [PP] at lol insert time --

That wasn’t so bad! Everyone’s got the game now, so you’d better run it as well before meteors start crashing everywhere and ruin your fucking train of progress. Geez, this better be worth all the hassle! You look at the loading progress, and it’s only at...80%? Seems good enough. You might as well stand up and do something else, like find Totoko and get her in here with you. After all, you can’t just leave her on Earth to be killed, can you? You’re not that shitty! Looking out the window, you scan the street, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, but apparently she’s not around. Hmmmmmm, better go out and find her. She's the one who invited you to hang out, after all.  
Oops, you kicked over a pile of cards. When did they get there? You pick them up and examine them. Hey, wait a minute, aren’t these captcha cards? Those weird inventory things, right? Awesome! You’re gonna use the shit out of this! You shuffle through the cards, finding one with a note in them...looks like Jyushimatsu wrote it. Oh, hold that thought, someone’s coming up the stairs.

TOTOKO: Osomatsu? Youre still here right?  
OSOMATSU: totoko chan! ah where were you? i was starting to get antsy!  
TOTOKO: Geez, cant even wait a bit you damn NEET?  
OSOMATSU: hehe, nope! ;)  
TOTOKO: Sigh. What did i expect anyway.  
TOTOKO: Hey whats that on your computer?  
OSOMATSU: its a video game  
OSOMATSU: i got it from this weird person over emisl  
OSOMATSU: *email  
OSOMATSU: then i told choromatsu about it and now he really wants to play for some reason  
OSOMATSU: wanna help me out with it?  
TOTOKO: Fine why not. Dont have anything better to do.  
TOTOKO: Whats the game about?  
OSOMATSU: you got to like  
OSOMATSU: connect to one of the olayers and help thm build shit to get into the game  
OSOMATSU: *players and help them  
OSOMATSU: and progress in it  
OSOMATSU: then that person builds shit and helps the next person  
OSOMATSU: and so on until the last pserson is in the game  
OSOMATSU: *person  
TOTOKO: Sounds boring. And complicated.  
OSOMATSU: haha alright  
OSOMATSU: its complicated at leaastt  
OSOMATSU: *least  
OSOMATSU: probs not boring thuogh  
OSOMATSU: *though  
OSOMATSU: like  
OSOMATSU: oh hold on

Seems like Choromatsu is pestering you. You can't wait to ask him where the fuck he's been all this time, being such a tightass about making everyone play Sburb. Why does he even want to play Sburb so badly? You thought that Choromatsu would think the Sburb files you received were fake. Hell, even you thought the files looked suspicious, and you're not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. That would probably be a knife. But that's beside the point. 

\-- fappyGap [FG] began pestering moneyMeister [MM] at who knows what time --  
FG: HELP ME.  
FG: OSOMATSU-NIISAN.  
FG: ARE YOU THERE.  
FG: IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY PLEASE BE THERE.  
FG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
MM: holy shit are yuo ok  
MM: *you  
FG: NO.  
FG: THERE'S FLAMING BALLS OF ROCKY DOOM HEADED TOWARDS ME.  
FG: HURRY UP AND DEPLOY ALL THE SBURB MACHINERY.  
FG: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN WAITING FOR???  
MM: alriiiiiight jsut calm the fukc down a bit ok  
MM: *just calm the uck down  
MM: *fuck  
MM: the game just finished loading lemme staort desploiuyging stuff  
MM: *start desploying  
FG: What the fuck does that mean.  
FG: Destroying stuff?  
MM: *deploying stuff  
MM: sorry tjere  
MM: *there  
FG: …  
FG: Are you drunk.  
MM: idk maysbe a little  
FG: God fucking dammit you stupid eldest brother.  
MM: heeeeeeyyyyyy that's no way to speak to yoyur onii-chan  
MM: *your  
MM: lol im fiiiiiine  
FG: No.  
FG: Totoko-chan's with you, right?  
FG: Just give her the computer and let her deploy the equipment.  
FG: I am not in the mood to have pieces of heavy machinery dropped on top of me.  
MM: awwwwww cme on  
MM: *come  
FG: Hell no.  
FG: I don't trust you or your inebriation.  
MM: :(

\-- fappyGap [FG] ceased pestering moneyMeister [MM] at who knows what time --

God, someone stuck a fucking pole up that guy's ass. So what if you're a little buzzed right now? It's not like you're completely hammered or anything. You're in fine condition to operate as Choromatsu's server player, than kyiu very much.  
*thank you  
Oh fine. You give the computer over to Totoko and start instructing her on how to deploy the Alchemiter, Cruxtruder and Totem Lathe, and Pre-Punched Card from the Phernalia Registry.  
So while these guys are setting up, why don't we check up on someone else?


	13. Chapter 13

You decide to be Ichimatsu. Oh uh, be Ichimatsu? This is unexpected. You thought the reader would me more interested in continuing to be your brothers. Whatever. You suppose it wouldn't do any harm for the readers to see what you're up to.

So what are you up to?

Oh, you're just busy playing with a few stray cats. You are currently holding a particularly curious kitty you met a while ago. Its fur is a pure, snow white color, it has a bright green tongue, and no eyes. That's not the weirdest part though. The strangest thing about this cat is that you are pretty sure it's magic. And not the kind of bullshit magic you might encounter at a magician's show. That shit is so fucking fake. This cat however seems to be the genuine article.

Of course, you also think to yourself that perhaps this kitty is so technologically advanced that you just are not able to comprehend the mechanisms behinds its seemingly supernatural activities. Especially since you've seen Dekapan invent a plethora of drugs and machines that, to the pedestrian citizen, might seem like magic. After all, a science you don't understand practically is magic, right?

Ok yeah but even still, this cat is weird as fuck. 

You are pretty sure this furry feline has the ability to warp space to an astonishingly powerful degree at will and is physically indestructible to boot.

Not even Dekapan could invent something like that.

So in case you haven't guessed,

Magic is real.

You toy around with the captcha cards Jyushimatsu sent you. You suppose you should cut Dekapan some slack. While his contraptions may not be magic, they still are pretty amazing. 

Speaking of Jyushimatsu, you should stop fooling around and continue playing this game! While Jyushimatsu was toying around with his sylladex and talking to Dekapan some more, you've been tinkering around with the Sburb server's controls a little, and you've now figured out how to do some basic maneuvers, like move things around in Jyushimatsu's environment, and pull up the Atheneum and Phernalia Registry. Seems like there's a few freebies in there for new players. 

Better deploy those. 

Crap. It looks like there isn't quite enough space to deploy everything. Maybe you can move some of Dekapan's stuff around and make space? You don't want to break anything though.

Hmm.

Looks like you can maybe extend the building a bit? Just kind of select this area and…

Boom.

Extra room. This is great. Though you guess that maybe you shouldn't build too many edificial extensions, since it looks like creating new ground sucks up portions of your build grist supply. The revision you just created used up your first 14 pieces of build grist, leaving you with 1986 pieces left. You deploy the Alchemiter, Totem Lathe, Cruxtruder and Pre-Punched Card into Dekapan's lab.

Hey look, Jyushimatsu is pestering you.

\-- muscleHustle [MH] began pestering fuckingFurry [FF] at some point in this literary shitpost --

MH: ICHIMATSU-NIISAN.  
MH: WHAT'S ALL THIS STUFF?  
FF: i dunno. they're just some things i found in the game.  
FF: they don't cost anything to deploy so i thought i may as well put them here.  
FF: you could try playing around with them and see what they do.  
MH: OH YES GOOD IDEA :DDDDD  
MH: MAYBE YOU CAN ASK CHOROMATSU-NIISAN WHAT THEY DO TOO.  
MH: HE KNOWS A LOT ABOUT THIS GAME.  
FF: what? he does?  
MH: HE KNEW WHAT THE SYLLADEX DID.  
FF: that's dekapan's invention, not a sburb gaming mechanic.  
FF: whatever. i'll see what that fappy gap has to say. 

\-- fuckingFurry [FF] ceased pestering muscleHustle [MH] at who cares about the time --

What? Oh stop it weird magic kitty now's not the time for petting.

Little attention-seeking bastard. So annoying. Yet so cute.

Just a couple minutes of petting won't hurt anyone, right? 

After your short kitty-petting session, you decide to message Choromatsu.

\--  fuckingFurry [FF] began pestering fappyGap [FG] at who cares about the time --

FF: hey what do all these sburb machines do.  
FF: the free ones in the phernalia registry.  
FG: Wait.  
FG: You're playing Sburb?  
FF: yeah.  
FG: With whom? I don't remember sending you the game files.  
FF: that's because you didn't send them to me, dumbass.  
FF: and jyushimatsu's playing with me.  
FG: DAMMIT.  
FG: I told Jyushimatsu to connect to me.  
FG: Whatever. Since you're apparently so far along in preparing game entrance, I might as well connect to you.  
FF: joy.  
FG: Also, do you know if anyone else besides us, Osomatsu-niisan, Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu are playing?  
FF: osomatsu-niisan mentioned something about telling about the game to todomatsu.  
FF: so there's that.  
FG: Alright. Guess it makes sense that all six of us are playing.  
FG: Hmm…  
FG: Have you had any strange dreams lately?  
FF: yes.  
FG: Did they involve flying around on a magenta-colored planet filled with black creatures that resemble chess pieces?Or anything similar to that?  
FF: no.  
FF: now tell me. what the fuck do all these machines do.  
FF: jyushimatsu said you know a lot about this game.  
FF: or are you just full of shit?  
FF: because that would not surprise me one bit.  
FG: No, I know what they do. Kind of.  
FG: Um.  
FG: Let me look something up.  


\-- fappyGap [FG] ceased pestering fuckingFurry [FF] at who knows what time --

Yeah that guy's totally full of shit. Fuck it. You'll figure out how to work these things yourself.


	14. Chapter 14

You are now Choromatsu. Why did Ichimatsu have to message you at such an inopportune time anyway? You are a very busy person. Busy with trying to avoid an unpleasant meteor-induced death. However, you decided to let Ichimatsu's interruption slide since he seemed to have important things to say. Plus, you were totally just about to go look up what all that Sburb machinery did anyway. Sure, you read Homestuck, but it's not like you actually remembered what any of that stuff did. Who does, anyway? What's the difference between an Alchemiter and a Totem Lathe??? Which thing was the machine that spits out the Kernalsprite? What's the Phernalia Registry??? Hell if you know. You focused so much on comprehending Homestuck's convoluted plot that you kind of forgot some of the finer intricacies of Sburb gameplay.

You open up the MSPA Wikia and look up the articles for all the different pieces of basic Sburb machinery. It looks like you're going to have to hit the top of the Cruxtruder to release the Kernalsprite. Then you'll have to spin its wheel to extrude some Cruxite, put the Pre-Punched Card into the Totem Lathe to carve the Cruxite, take the carved Cruxite Dowel to the Alchemiter, and then create and activate your Cruxite Artifact. Easy, right???

God, you hope you can do it.

Your Cruxtruder's countdown started at 115 minutes and 17 seconds, five of those wasted just now while speaking to Ichimatsu. You guess that the meteor you saw earlier was merely a satellite meteor, rather than the mammoth one that's supposed to head straight for you.

You hope that you'll be able to do everything correctly before the countdown reaches zero.

Why 115 minutes and 17 seconds anyway? That's way longer a countdown than you remember any of the canon Homestuck characters having. 

Maybe Skaia knows that your server player is a complete dumbass and therefore gave you extra time to compensate.

_Bang!_

Speaking of your server player, looks like he and Totoko-chan also figured out how to extract the Kernalsprite from the Cruxtruder. Goddammit why did they have to rip an entire fucking toilet from the bathroom and drop that onto the Cruxtruder. Toilet water spills across the ground of the pharmacy. What a fucking mess. Good thing there's no one here besides you.

You stand by the toilet and start messaging Osomatsu.

\-- fappyGap [FG] began pestering moneyMeister [MM] at who knows what time --

FG: Osomatsu-niisan.  
FG: You can see me, right?  
FG: Tell me what is wrong with this picture.  
MM: hahahahaha sorry there  
MM: needed to get that thighn open somehow  
MM: *thing  
MM: plus totoko chan likes ripping shit apart  
MM: and your reactions to it are hilarosu  
FG: Stop fooling around. You can't just do things like that.  
MM: sure i can  
MM: chek this out  
FG: DON'T.  
FG: WHATEVER YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO, DON'T.

You look around in fearful anticipation as to what Osomatsu-niisan is plotting. Oh shit the toilet is floating again. It's moving towards your Kernalsprite.

OH HELL NO. NOT ON YOUR WATCH. YOUR WATCH SHALL REMAIN COMPLETELY UNSULLIED, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

You jump up and grab hold onto the toilet. Maybe you can pull it down? Or not. You're not nearly strong enough or heavy enough to do that. That goddamn meddlesome cursor in front of you mocks your weak attempts to break its hold. You think you're going to scream. Wait. You remember something. You reach for the cursor and…

_Bang!_

You and the toilet fall to the floor. You are extremely wet. And extremely livid. But at least your Kernalsprite is left intact. Good thing server players can't select actual people in the game.

FG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
FG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING.  
FG: ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN MY SPRITE.  
MM: depends  
MM: do yu want a sincere answer  
FG: YES???  
MM: then nah  
MM: we were just messing with you  
FG: STOP WASTING MY DAMN TIME.  
MM: holy shit calm the fuck down  
MM: youve got nearlt two hours befoyre youve gotta enter  
MM: *nearly two hours  
MM: hold on i know whatll make you feel better  
FG: What.  
MM: check your sylladex ;)

You open up your sylladex. It's filled with baseballs. You're sure this isn't what Osomatsu-niisan was referring to. But you do make a mental note to tell Jyushimatsu to not captchalogue any more sports equipment. Perhaps you could write a message on one of those baseballs of his. After scanning over all your captcha cards, you notice that one of them does not contain a baseball. Rather, it contains a magazine. But not just any magazine. It's a particular magazine that you remember vividly for how it soiled your dignity in front of your brothers.

FG: No.  
FG: Fuck this.  
MM: wow fappymatsu I knew youd enjoy jackinf off to that  
MM: but thats taking it to a whole new level  
MM: i salute you chorofappyski  
FG: I'm going to kill you.  
MM: awwwwww thats no good  
MM: guess ill take it back them  
MM: *rhen  
MM: *thend  
MM: *the end  
MM: perfect  
FG: Goddammit. Don't waste time reading that thing.  
FG: I'll take it.  
FG: But only so you can't have it.

\--  fappyGap [FG] ceased pestering moneyMeister [MM] at who knows what time --

You take the magazine out of your sylladex and place it on a nearby counter. You really need to burn that thing sometime soon. You know that won't help you live down the terrible nicknames it cursed upon you, but seeing that magazine in flames might offer a shred of consolation nonetheless.

You also decide that you should probably get back to Ichimatsu about his Sburb questions. You figure you've left him hanging long enough. Actually you have a better idea. Why not start a group chat with you and your brothers? That way you'll only have to explain everything once. You take your phone out and do just that.

\-- fappyGap [FG] created group chat SBURB GAME at who knows what time --

\-- fappyGap [FG] added moneyMeister [MM] to the chat --  
\-- fappyGap [FG] added painfulPrat [PP] to the chat --  
\-- fappyGap [FG] added fuckingFurry [FF] to the chat --  
\-- fappyGap [FG] added muscleHustle [MH] to the chat --  
\-- fappyGap [FG] added heartlessDemon [HD] to the chat --

FG: Ok. Listen up.  
FG: We're all playing Sburb together, and there's some basic information you all should know before playing the game.  
FG: Especially you, Ichimatsu.  
FG: To begin, you should all install the Sburb client and server applications onto your computers.  
FG: Ichimatsu's my client player, and it looks like he's connecting to Jyushimatsu.  
FG: Jyushimatsu, did you and Karamatsu connect to each other?  
MH: YUP!  
FG: Ok. Osomatsu's my server player. So that means the connection chain so far is Osomatsu ->me->Ichimatsu->Jyushimatsu.  
FG: Totty, you're playing, right?  
HD: I guess?  
HD: Osomatsu-niisan kind of dragged me into it. (;¬_¬)  
MM: see? i help  
MM: youre welcome  
FG: Shut up. Quite frankly Totty, I wasn't going to ask you to play.  
MM: what  
FG: I said shut up.  
FG: Anyway.  
FG: If you're playing, then the chain should go like this: Osomatsu ->me->Ichimatsu->Jyushimatsu ->Todomatsu.  
PP: Ah, I think you might have made a mistake there Choromatsu, for I am going to act as Jyushimatsu's client player.  
FG: Osomatsu ->me->Ichimatsu->Jyushimatsu ->Karamatsu->Todomatsu.  
FG: Happy now?  
FG: As I was saying.  
HD: Choromatsu-niisan, what do you mean by "connect"?  
HD: And what do the client and server players do? ｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)  
FF: you still haven't told me what all these bullshit machines do either.  
FF: one of them has a countdown on it.  
FF: that looks important.  
MM: oh yeah you have to start doing stuff or else youre fuckgin head  
MH: WHAT? MY HEAD?  
MM: *dead  
MM: you gotta hit the top og that thing and itll spit out a weird glowey thing  
MM: and oyu drop something into that  
FF: what.  
FF: can you please make your explanation shittier.  
FF: i'm not confused enough yet.

FG banned MM  from responding to the group chat.

FG: That's better.  
FG: As I was saying.

MM unbanned himself from responding to the group chat.

MM: how dare you  
MM: rude  
HD: Hacking into our Pesterchum accounts and changing our screennames to stupid things is also rude, Osomatsu-niisan. (￢_￢)

FG banned MM from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned himself from responding to the group chat.

MM: totty you officially lost your privilage of color choice

MM changed HD's text color.

HD: Ew this color is gross.  
FG: Why.  
MM: you too

MM changed FG's text color.

MM: actually you knwo what

MM changed PP's text color.  
MM changed FF's text color.  
MM changed MH's text color.

PP: Might I inquire why this is necessary?  
MM: ;)  
MH: BOOBIES!!!!!  
MM: see jyhushimatsu has the right idea ;)  
FG: This was a mistake.  
FG: Osomatsu-niisan please kindly fuck off.  
FG: Everyone else, just read up on [these articles.](https://www.dropbox.com/s/qa1sqe1gxpynn29/MSPA%20Wikia%20Links.txt?dl=0)  
MM: so mean

FG banned MM from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned himself from responding to the group chat.  
FG banned MM from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned himself from responding to the group chat.  
FG banned MM from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned himself from responding to the group chat.  
FG banned MM from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned himself from responding to the group chat.  
FG banned MM from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned himself from responding to the group chat.  
FG banned MM from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned himself from responding to the group chat.

FG: That's it. I'm done with this bullshit.

FG banned himself from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned FG from responding to the group chat.

FG: No.

FG banned himself from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned FG from responding to the group chat.  
FG banned himself from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned FG from responding to the group chat.  
FG banned himself from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned FG from responding to the group chat.  
FG banned himself from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned FG from responding to the group chat.  
FG banned himself from responding to the group chat.  
MM unbanned FG from responding to the group chat.

fappyGap's [FG's] phone was smashed.

HD: Oh my god.

You sink down on your knees. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT IDIOT DOING??? YOU ARE GOING TO-

What? It appears that you can no longer be Choromatsu, for Choromatsu is too angry to be focused on right now! Let’s move onto a calmer person. 

You think you'll try being Kar- 

Oh wait, you’ve calmed down? You're sure? Alright, take two then.

You are now a calmer Choromatsu. You decide to pick up the pieces of your unfortunate phone and store them in your sylladex. You’re probably going to have to repair it later, aren’t you? Yep. Yep you are. Well, no use mulling over it now. At least you still have your laptop. Time to get back to work...if only your server player was willing to make this easy for you. Speaking of him, why did Totoko-chan call only Osomatsu over??? That’s so unfair!!! Oh well, once they get into The Medium with you, you’ll definitely have a chance to spend quality time with Totoko-chan! 

But never mind that. Back to matters on hand. You decide to look at the Alchemiter that was just recently dropped into your workspace. You turn the wheel on the Cruxtruder, extract a Cruxite Dowel, and take out the Pre-Punched Card. This should code for your Cruxite Artifact. 

WAIT WAIT WAIT WHAT. 

You turn around after hearing something drop to the floor. It's that damned magazine Osomatsu sent over. Oh no.

OSOMATSU-NIISAN DON’T YOU DARE!!!

You swiftly bolt over to the now floating magazine, attempting to swat it out of the air. However, the magazine just keeps on zigzagging around you, avoiding your grasp. You try jumping up to tap the meddlesome cursor like you did previously, but that capricious arrow stealthily avoids you. The magazine makes its way toward your Kernalsprite. There is nO WAY IN HELL YOU ARE HAVING THAT FOR A GUIDE. You'd rather have the toilet as your sprite. 

You suddenly wish that you had your phone again so that you could yell at Osomatsu and Totoko and put an end to their idiocy. All a sudden, the magazine floats down onto the table nearby. You suppose they probably gave up after realizing you weren’t willing to let that happen. Well then, where were you? Right right, You have to alchemize your Cruxite Artifact. You place the Cruxite Dowel and Pre-Punched Card into the Totem Lathe, letting it carve out a strange wavy object. You then place it onto the Alchemiter, and attempt to create your artifact. What comes out is...an apple? You pick the green apple up and examine it closer. It actually doesn't seem edible, having weird engravings and...six faces? You turn it over in your hands, examining at the strange object. Is it what you think it is? You turn the rotatable sections around. [Yeah, it’s a rubix cube. An apple-shaped rubix cube.](https://68.media.tumblr.com/fd3996ffc0c31f2cefb0cac4b7da0bed/tumblr_oku674KmZx1w3u063o1_1280.png) This shit is getting more ridiculous by the minute. How the hell are you going to figure this one out, huh? The engravings are so weird as well! Weren’t you supposed to have an easy puzzle to figure out?

Wait, is that…? 

OH SHIT NO HOW COULD YOU LEAVE THAT THING UNATTENDED.

You try to rush over, but it’s too late. The magazine drops into the Kernelsprite, being prototyped into your sprite. This. Is. The. WORST. Ugh, whatever, might as well try to communicate with it somehow. 

CHOROMATSU: Uh, hello there...sprite. How are you doing?

As Spritelogs with Pornsprite are too sensual in nature for our audience, we will elect to show you [this violently adorable video of meowing kittens.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IP_E7efGWE)

God, that...that went so much worse than you could have ever imagined. You decide to shove that conversation into the farthest recesses of your brain. It’s probably a good idea to try and tinker around with your Cruxite Artifact. You...you don’t want to see that sprite around. It makes you so uncomfortable. And horny. You honestly hope that you'll be able to solve and activate your Cruxite Artifact so that you can enter The Medium. You 115% do not feel like dying in a meteor shower.


	15. Chapter 15

You are now Osomatsu again. While Choromatsu is busy taking that thing apart, you decide to mess around with the office he's in. Totoko's in on the idea as well, so you two decide to fiddle with Sburb's construction capabilities. Uh, let's see. Click on that, drag this thing that way...yeah, a huge corridor seems like a good idea. He's gonna have a bunch more stuff to deal with anywasy. 

*anyways.

You are way too drunk for this. 

OSOMATSU: so we move this thing over ther see  
OSOMATSU: and then you take that and you drag it over there  
OSOMTASU: then you get all them grist  
TOTOKO: That makes zero sense whatsoever.  
OSOMATSU: bascically just drag the walls around  
OSOMATSU: *basically  
TOTOKO: I got that much.  
TOTOKO: And by the way, is choromatsu supposed to be taking that thing apart?  
OSOMATSU: i dunno. this whole thing is confusing  
TOTOKO: Alright then. So whats the point of building up the place hes in?  
OSOMATSU: just something in the game  
OSOMATSU: i dont really remember but i think it was a universe thing or something  
TOTOKO: ...You are the best at this.  
OSOMATSU: i know right  
TOTOKO: ...  
TOTOKO: Hey, whats that sprite doing?  
OSOMATSU: oh  
OSOMATSU: i think its trying to talk to him  
TOTOKO: Is there an option that lets us hear them?  
OSOMATSU: not taht i know of  
OSOMATSU: *that  
TOTOKO: You need to get sober soon, you useless neet.  
OSOMATSU: yeah yeah i got you, now imma go check on my lil bros  
OSOMATSU: oh wait i cant do that can i  
OSOMATSU: shit  
TOTOKO: Just fucking message them.

Totoko-chan has a good point. You check your phone for new messages. Looks like your brothers have been busy discussing things in the group chat.

MH: DID CHOROMATSU-NIISAN DIE?????  
PP: I sure hope not! That would be the most unfortunate of occurrences. I adivinate that the cause of his departure may be merely due to the decrepit condition his cellular telephone is in.  
FF: those dumbasses.  
HD: They're impossible! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡  
HD: What are we even supposed to be doing?  
PP: Yes, the parameters of the necessary tasks needed to play this peculiar game are quite confounding to me as well.  
MH: OOOOOH YOU SHOULD TRY READING THE THINGS CHOROMATSU-NIISAN LINKED :D  
FF: yeah, they tell you the basics of what you gotta do.  
PP: How wonderful! I shall read them promptly.  
FF: this chat is so annoying to read. and not just because it's you talking, kusomatsu.  
FF: why the fuck did osomatsu have to change our text colors.  
HD: I know right! I can't change them back either. (╬⓪益⓪)  
MH: BOOBIES!!!!! :D  
MM: lol its fun though  
FF: it's annoying.  
MM: siiiiiigh

MM changed PP's text color.  
MM changed FG's text color.  
MM changed FF's text color.  
MM changed MH's text color.  
MM changed HD's text color.

MM: dont say i never did anythign for you  
MM: *anything  
HD: Don't worry, we weren’t going to. (￢_￢)  
MM: i cant believe choromatsu fucking smashed his phone  
MM: what a dumbass  
HD: As if you can talk! You're just screwing around and getting everyone off track. And you're the one who said that this game is going to kill us! Oh wait,  
HD: "were going to die if you dont play with us"  
HD: There. Now I've even captured your inarticulate tone. (;¬_¬)  
FF: just kill him and be done with it.  
HD: Ichimatsu-niisan that's so scary! I know Osomatsu-niisan is a complete idiot, but that's a bit overboard, right? ლ(¯ロ¯"ლ)  
FF: nah.  
PP: I am disposed to agreeing with Todomatsu. Superficial conflicts are unfortunate enough, ones involving death of one of us is certainly going to be catastrophic! Plus, while I was conversing with Osomatsu, he implied that he has a significant knowledge on the game we are about to begin playing, so it would be quite the disadvantage to put him out of commission.  
MM: yes!!!!!!  
MM: i read homosuck a while abck  
HD: What the fuck is Homosuck? (;¬_¬)  
MM: LMAO  
MM: *homestuck  
MM: best typo  
FF: is that the webcomic all these wikia links are about.  
MM: yup  
MM: the premise is that a bunch of kids play the game were abour to start playing  
MM: to put it simply  
MM: choromatsu also read it  
MM: and tbh he knows more about it thatn me  
MH: OOOOOHHHHH CAN I READ IT :DDDDD  
MM: i mean  
MM: sure  
MM: its really fucking long tohugh  
MM: probs beter to set up the game first  
MM: these things are timed  
MM: and if you don't enter teh game withoin that time, a fucktasticly large meteors goign to bash your head in  
MH: AH.  
MH: I'M GOING TO CONTINUE SETTING UP THEN. :D  
PP: I am just a trifle confused about the nature of the meteors you and Choromatsu have mentioned. You have alluded to meteors bringing imminent doom upon us as the primary motivation to play this game, but surely whatever meteors that may grace our presence while playing Sburb are purely coincidental, correct? Surely correlation does not equal causation, right?  
MM: oh no. in this case, the meteosr are definitely caused byt he game  
MM: they will destroy the earth in due time  
FF: are you insinuating that we're causing the apocalypse?  
MM: kinda?  
FF: sweet.  
MH: DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THIS WEIRD CANNON SHAPED THING DOES?  
MH: THE ONE WITH THE COUNTDOWN.  
MM: oh yeah like i said just hit the top of that thing  
MM: that will relaese the kernalsprite  
MM: speaking of which, choromatsu officialyl has the best sprite in homestuck history  
HD: Huh? ｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)  
HD: What's a sprite, exactly?  
MM: damn you need to read up on the wikia articles fappymatsu sent  
MM: its sorta liike an in game guide  
MM: when you first realease it, its all generic and shit  
MM: you need to throw something or soemone in it  
MM: or welse youre going to screw your game up  
MM: dont throw anything too dangerous thoguh. If oyu do, itll make the game a lot harder to beat  
FG: Osomatsu-niisan you caused me to have the literal worst sprite ever.  
MM: your spite is amazing  
FG: Yes, my spite.  
FG: My spite for you, this wreck of a gaming abstraction you've thrust upon me, and this general clusterfuck of a barely-commenced game session is astronomical.  
FF: what did you throw in there.  
MM: ;)  
FG: He threw in a god fORSAKEN PORN MAGAZINE.  
FF: nice one.  
FG: NO.  
HD: Anyway, I guess I should start loading this game up? (=^･ｪ･^=)  
MM: yeah  
MM: youre gonna cnnect to me as my server player  
MM: i should set up totoko chans room for thaqt actually  
MM: bbl

You now leave Totoko with the computer alone and work on setting up the room for your server player. He’s not going to log on anytime soon, but you figure that you don’t want any beds flying around. Or bathtubs. Those would be bad too. You decide to start first by dragging the stabbed bear over into a corner in order to hide it. Ugh, this is so troublesome! If only there were a way to move this crap without using physical labor. Wait, you’re an idiot. Not that that’s new, but still. You could just chuck the bear out the window! You feel a chill up your spine as though a sinister force glaring at you. You decide to use your good-for-nothing brain to try and come up with a different solution. Oh of course, you can just use your sylladex. You captchalogue the bear and continue rearranging Totoko-chan's furniture. You think it's pretty boring. As such, it's probably a good time to be someone else. The eldest has gotten enough of the limelight for now.


	16. Chapter 16

You decide to be Jyushimatsu. You’ve been messing around with the machines Ichimatsu put down. You have no idea what any of these do! You decide to take your trusty bat and start smacking the side of this tube/cannon thing. Nothing happens. You have no idea why you tried doing that. 

_Ping ping ping_

Goodness, that group chat is busy! Peering at the computer behind you, you open Pesterchum to see what everyone has been talking about. Looks like it's mostly your brothers minus Choromatsu-niisan discussing Sburb. You ask if Choromatsu-niisan has died. Karamatsu-niisan believes that he hasn't. Phew, that's good! You also inquire as to what you ought to do with this curious contraption you've been whacking around. Osomatsu-niisan says that you're supposed to hit the top of it to extrude the Kernalsprite. 

You do exactly that, and a brightly flashing yellow sphere shoots out of the top of the machine. What a curious object! It floats cheerfully around you while you gaze at it. Its spirographs shift in position as the Kernalsprite pulsates rapidly.

You reach over to examine the blinking ball of light, but it jumps away. What a capricious little sphere! You suppose you'll deal with that later. Shouldn't Dekapan have the medicine for ESP Kitty ready yet? You've been waiting for quite a long time. Dekapan said he'd look for it after he completed building his appearifier. Once you told him that the world was ending, Dekapan insisted that the completion of his appearifier was of the utmost importance.  
Maybe you'll just look for that pesky little emotion potion yourself. You scour Dekapan's stores of chemical concoctions and stumble upon a bottle containing a fuchsia-colored liquid that matches your memory of the correct medicine's appearance. After finding a sterile syringe, you take the bottle of purple liquid and extract some of it into the syringe. Now to find that cat.

_Ping ping ping_

Or not. Karamatsu-niisan is pestering you.

\-- painfulPrat [PP] began pestering muscleHustle [MH] at some temporal placeholder --

PP: Jyushimatsu! Are you prepared to embark on the most ✧*:･ﾟthrilling escapade*:･ﾟ✧ of our entire existences? Surely such a jeopardizing venture will stimulate exhilaration to flow through your veins! Only with prompt preparation for our game entry can we hope to avoid the wretched hands of death through its terminal, boulderous tribulations.  
PP: I have already completed the installation of both the client and server applications for Sburb, and I await your readiness to be my server player. Though I suppose if you are currently occupied, that is fine, for I am sure your game entrance is of high priority to you. Certainly. Especially if the inexorable meteors headed for us are meant to strike you before me.   
PP: Despite this, I would evince great ease if you do happen to find time to set up the necessary machinations for my game entry.  
MH: HI KARAMATSU-NIISAN. :DDDDD  
MH: I'LL HELP SET YOUR GAME UP IN A LITTLE BIT.  
MH: I NEED TO DO SOMETHING FIRST.  
PP: Splendid! I shall wait. Perhaps I can begin my duties as Todomatsu's server player.  
MH: OK. :D

\-- muscleHustle [MH] ceased pestering painfulPrat [PP] at some point in this literary shitpost --

Got to find that cat quickly and not keep Karamatsu-niisan waiting. 

GO GO GO!!!!!

MUSCLE MUSCLE!!!!!

HUSTLE HUSTLE!!!!!

You MUSCLE MUSCLE, HUSTLE HUSTLE your way around Dekapan's lab, checking every nook, cranny and crevice for ESP Kitty. After a few minutes, you find the furry little troublemaker snoozing underneath a table. You then take the medicine-filled syringe and plunge it into the cat's plush rump. The cat merely gives an exasperated meow for his disrupted nap. You do remember ESP Kitty being quite fearless around needles. Especially during that time he protected Ichimatsu-niisan from getting his own dose of the emotion potion.


	17. Chapter 17

You switch perspectives to Ichimatsu now. Are you serious? No, stop, go bother another brother. What? Fine, stick around. See if you care. 

You’re currently preparing for Choromatsu’s game connection. Jyushimatsu’s been fiddling with the machines you put down, so you think you can spare a few minutes to check on your parents. You steer yourself down the stairs and into the kitchen, poking your head in. Your mother’s currently preparing lunch, waiting for everyone to come home. While that’s genuinely sweet, you decide to warn her not to step out of the house.

ICHIMATSU: hey mom.  
MATSUYO: Ah, Ichimatsu! Are you hungry for a snack already?  
ICHIMATSU: not really.  
MATSUYO: Is that so? Well, lunch will be ready after a bit, so sit tight until then, alright?  
ICHIMATSU: yeah.  
ICHIMATSU: actually mom.  
ICHIMATSU: i’ve got something to ask.  
MATSUYO: Oh? What is it, my dear NEET?  
ICHIMATSU: are you planning to go out anytime today?  
MATSUYO: No, I don’t really have anything planned. Why?  
ICHIMATSU: …  
MATSUYO: Ichimatsu?  
ICHIMATSU: it’d probably be better if you didn’t go out today, there’s a bunch of dangerous news going around.  
MATSUYO: Really? I’ll stay put then. Thank you for telling me!  
ICHIMATSU: yeah.

You see your mother smile at you and pet your head. You don’t particularly mind it. You call out a soft “see you” to her as you leave for the living room. Your father’s most likely there watching television on his day off. While you’re usually not fond of the prospect of you and your brothers having to fight over the remote with him sometimes, today you’re glad that he’s currently there. It’d be a lot harder to warn him if he’s outside the house. 

ICHIMATSU: dad.  
MATSUZO: Oh? Ichimatsu! Care for a seat?

Your father pats the spot next to him, and you decide to sit beside him. He’s got the remote closely guarded, although you could definitely swipe that from him. But you suppose that doesn't really matter now.

MATSUZO: So what’s going on? Decided to get the TV all to yourself since the others aren’t here?  
ICHIMATSU: nah.  
MATSUZO: That so? So you like the same channel as your old man?  
ICHIMATSU: i guess.  
ICHIMATSU: oh.  
ICHIMATSU: dad.  
MATSUZO: Yeah?  
ICHIMATSU: you planning on stepping outside today?  
MATSUZO: Not really. I’ve decided to just take it easy for today. I’ve got another one or two days off, so relaxing for one isn’t all that bad.  
ICHIMATSU: ah.  
ICHIMATSU: oh, a cat.

As if on cue, a sleek white cat leaps onto your lap, distracting both of you from the screen. 

ICHIMATSU: i should probably put him somewhere else.  
MATSUZO: Alright. Come down when your mother calls you for lunch, okay?  
ICHIMATSU: yeah. see you.

You carry the cat upstairs back to your shared bedroom. It leaps down from your arms and sits in a corner, tending to itself with that weird, bright green tongue. You decide to turn back to the computer in the room. Switching the screen to Jyushimatsu’s location, you think you’ll check on how he’s doing before talking to Choromatsu about setting up. You look around the lab, spotting Dekapan working with a piece of equipment you aren’t very concerned about right now. It seems cool, but you’re looking for your client player. After scanning the lab, you find Jyushimatsu around a bunch of other stuff you didn’t put down and a computer. You figure he’s doing okay on his own. You’ll chat with him a bit later, as you’ve got to get set up your game.

\-- fuckingFurry [FF] began pestering fappyGap [FG] at who cares about the time --

FF: hey.  
FF: choromatsu.

\-- fappyGap [FG] is idle! --

\-- fuckingFurry [FF] ceased pestering fappyGap [FG] at who cares about the time --  
  
He doesn't seem to be answering you right now. That’s fine; you suppose you’ll go on the group chat and check what's up before contacting Jyushimatsu.

FF: sup.  
HD: Ah, Ichimatsu-niisan! (･ω･)ﾉ  
FF: is choromatsu on?  
HD: Not really, I’m the only one on for now. (＾ω＾)  
FF: huh.  
FF: what is he even doing.  
HD: According to Osomatsu-niisan a while ago, he’s fiddling with a rubix cube. ｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)  
FF: what.  
FF: lame.  
FF: is that his artifact?  
HD: As far as I know. ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌  
FF: haha.  
FF: sucks for him.  
HD: Speaking of which, you’re entering after him, aren’t you?  
HD: Are you all ready to go? (◕‿◕✿)  
FF: yeah.  
HD: That Chorofappyski should have set up with you a bit earlier, huh? ε-(￣ヘ￣)┌  
FF: i suppose.  
FF: nothing much we can do about it now.  
FF: but is he even smart enough to figure out a rubix cube in a timed situation?  
HD: That’s hopefully going to be the result. (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑  
PP: Ah, my dear brothers, I have returned from my wonderful chat with our little Jyushimatsu! Is there anything I have missed upon my absence?  
FF: no.  
HD: Not really.  
PP: Splendid! Now then, my dear Todomatsu, I shall commence in setting up our connection, as I am your established server player, after all!  
HD: Tone down the flowery language just a little please. (￣□￣)  
FF: agreed.  
FF: you sure are talking a lot today kusomatsu.

You decide to check on Jyushimatsu again. What’s he doing now? Your younger brother seems to be playing with ESP Kitty. Speaking of cats, you shift an eye over to that weird white cat again. He still seems content with just sitting in the corner. You’re fine with that. You open a bag of irradiated sardines and toss one at it before storing the bag in your sylladex. There’s no telling when you’re going to need a pouch filled with uranium rich seafood, so might as well be prepared. Glancing back at your screen, you notice that...Jyushimatsu’s acting weirdly. What's his deal???? He doesn't usually look that panicked. You start messaging him to see what’s riled him up.

\-- fuckingFurry [FF] began pestering muscleHustle [MH] at who cares about the time --

FF: jyushimatsu.  
FF: hey.  
FF: is there something wrong?  
FF: jyushimatsu?  
MH: NOTHING AT ALL ICHIMATSU-NIISAN!!!!!  
MH: IT’S ALL FINE, SO NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT!!!!!  
FF: you sure?  
FF: what are you pushing under there?  
MH: HMMMMM?????  
MH: OH, THIS IS NOTHING.  
MH: YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD CHECK ON DEKAPAN FOR ME.  
MH: YOU KNOW, TO SEE IF HE’S DONE WITH THAT MACHINE HE’S BUILDING.  
FF: i know you’re trying to make me look away.  
FF: is it something bad?  
MH: NO NO NO NO NO.  
MH: EVERYTHING IS OKAY.  
FF: jyushimatsu.  
MH: IT’S ALL FINE, AND EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT.  
MH: SO NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, SEE?  
MH: SO, UH, JUST CONNECT WITH CHOROMATSU-NIISAN, ALRIGHT?  
FF: jyushimatsu.  
FF: i can see that it’s not fine.  
FF: just what is it.  
MH: OH NO NO NO NO NO.  
MH: IT’S ALL RIGHT.  
MH: I’M FINE I’M NOT PANICKING.  
MH: IT’S ALL OKAY.  
MH: IT’S MY FAULT AND I’LL FIX IT.  
FF: what.  
MH: UM.  
MH: AH THIS IS GOING BADLY.  
MH: IT’S AN ACCIDENT.  
MH: I DIDN’T MEAN TO.  
MH: i'm sorry, ichimatsu-niisan.

You’re kind of puzzled at what Jyushimatsu says, but then you see him turn around and pull out what he was hiding.

FF: is that.  
FF: is that esp kitty.  
MH: i’m sorry.  
FF: Is he dead?  
MH: i’m sorry.  
MH: it’s my fault.  
MH: i asked dekapan for a new serum.  
MH: but since he was a bit preoccupied.  
MH: i went to look for it myself.  
MH: and i gave him the wrong one.  
MH: i’m sorry.  
FF: Jyushimatsu.  
FF: I...I don’t think there’s anything we can do about it now.  
MH: i’m sorry.

\-- muscleHustle [MH] ceased pestering fuckingFurry [FF] at some point in this literary shitpost -- 


	18. Chapter 18

You are currently Choromatsu. Goddammit your Cruxite Artifact is a piece of certified bullshit. You've been fiddling around with this thing for a good half an hour, and you are running out of time to solve it, lest you face a fiery meteor-induced doom. So far, all you've been able to figure out is that rather than colors on each face of the rubix cube's sections, there are numerals. But they aren't any sort of numerals you recognize. You think that they might be Mayan or Phoenician or something of the sort. Oh well, what's important is that you know what they are, not where they're from. You rotate various sections in the rubix cube in a vain attempt to solve it. It's so frustrating! There's got to be a better way to do this than just sitting around, endlessly tinkering around with this pathetic excuse for a toy.

You decide to take a short break from your rubix cube toils and check your laptop to see if you have any new notifications on Pesterchum.  
Oh, Ichimatsu tried to pester you a short while ago. Better get back to him. 

\-- fappyGap [FG] began pestering fuckingFurry [FF] at who knows what time --

FG: Hey, did you have something to tell me?  
FF: now's not a good time.  
FG: What?  
FF: jyushimatsu was being a dumbass.  
FF: caused an accident in dekapan's lab.  
FF: and he's really upset about it.  
FF: i'm trying to see what i can do but i doubt there's much.  
FG: Oh god. What did he do?  
FG: I swear to god if he took another dose of Dekapan's steroids I'm going to do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the toilet Osomatsu-niisan ripped from this building's unfortunate plumbing system.  
FG: This isn't time for foolish shenanigans.  
FF: can you shut the fuck up about this damn game for a minute.  
FF: jyushimatsu didn't take any steroids.  
FF: he accidentally killed esp kitty.   
FG: Wow, uh.  
FG: That's unfortunate.   
FF: yeah.  
FG: I'd imagine you'd be angrier about it.  
FF: oh i am, don't worry.  
FF: but jyushimatsu's beating himself up about it so hard that i can't really bring myself to do it too.  
FF: he's still a fucking dumbass though.  
FG: Hey, have you prototyped your Kernalsprite yet?  
FF: holy shit. if i read another word from you about sburb during this conversation i will strangle you in your sleep.  
FG: Oh my goodness. I'm trying to help.   
FG: So answer the question.  
FF: no.  
FG: No to prototyping the Kernalsprite or no to cooperating with me?  
FF: both.  
FG: …  
FG: Well, if you didn't prototype the Kernalsprite yet, throw ESP Kitty's body into it. That should resurrect him. As well as give him the ability to speak.  
FF: what?  
FF: oh yeah. you linked to something about that in the group chat right?  
FG: Yes. You can throw just about anything into an unprototyped Kernalsprite, and make it your sentient guide. Objects, people, other sprites, et cetera.  
FG: Actually, I think Kernalsprites have a particular affinity for dead things. So ESP Kitty's body should be perfect.  
FF: alright.   
FF: oh yeah.  
FF: i was wondering if you were going to start deploying the sburb machinery.  
FF: or are you too busy playing around with that dumb cube of yours.  
FG: Ok I'm sorry for not helping set your connection up, but I have to solve this thing or else i'M GOING TO DIE OK.  
FG: I wish I could just, I don't know, disassemble this thing, and put it back together.  
FF: who says you can't?  
FG: Sburb rules?  
FG: My artifact is pretty obviously a rubix cube. Therefore I'm supposed to solve it like a proper rubix cube.  
FF: yeah like you're actually going to figure out how to do that before your countdown is up.  
FG: …  
FG: Fuck you.  
FF: i'm right.  
FG: You're right and I hate it.  
FF: just do it. what's the worst that can happen?  
FG: I die. Then you die, because I can't get you into the game.  
FF: eh, i'd be alright with that.  
FG: I WOULDN'T.  
FF: whatever.  
FF: now go take apart your stupid toy.

\-- fuckingFurry [FF] ceased pestering fappyGap [FF] at who cares about the time --

Good lord it was foolish of you to think you and your brothers would be able to enter the game without any accidents. At least the one Ichimatsu described to you has a feasible solution. Just like a certain plucky, green, cubical apple. You reach for a small knife and begin prying your Cruxite Artifact apart. After a couple minutes, you've completely disassembled it. Now you just carefully arrange each of the cube's partitions until each face of the whole cube is filled with the same numeral.

Oh crap it fell apart. Lousy goddamn stupid cube. Why can't its parts just stick back together?

You suppose this is what you deserve for crafting this cheap workaround for activating your Artifact. Maybe you can look for some glue to hold the pieces of your Artifact together. Nothing like augmenting one cheap workaround with another, even cheaper workaround.

So while this guy is on his hunt for a suitable adhesive, why don't we be someone else?


	19. Chapter 19

You are now someone else. More specifically, you are a terrible person. Even more specifically, you are Jyushimatsu. You feel awful for giving that serum to ESP Kitty. You were so sure that it was the right one. But after a few minutes from the time you gave ESP Kitty what you thought was the correct potion, things started to look very wrong. Now, you peer down at ESP Kitty's limp body. At first you thought he had fallen asleep. But then you realized that he wasn't breathing anymore.

Ichimatsu-niisan is never going to forgive you, is he? ESP Kitty was one of his closest friends, right? 

Maybe if you hide the evidence of ESP Kitty's death, then Ichimatsu-niisan won't find out. You scour Dekapan's lab for a good hiding spot, while being very careful to not turn your back on the body.

Oh no no no no no not now Ichimatsu-niisan please look away.

\-- fuckingFurry [FF] began pestering muscleHustle [MH] at who cares about the time --

FF: jyushimatsu.  
FF: hey.  
FF: is there something wrong?  
FF: jyushimatsu?

You are informed that the reader has already read this conversation. That's great, because you do not want to go through this appalling encounter again. Once was enough. How could you forget that Ichimatsu could see you through his computer? Ah well. You guess that this conversation wasn't as bad as it could have been, however. Ichimatsu didn't seem very angry with you, which you take as a good sign. 

You still wish that there is something that you can do about ESP Kitty, however. Maybe Dekapan has a medicine that can bring animals back to life????? It seems kind of far-fetched, but what do you have to lose?

You go walk to the now newly completed appearifier, where Dekapan surveys his handiwork one last time.

JYUSHIMATSU: HEY, DEKAPAN?  
DEKAPAN: Yes, dasu?  
JYUSHIMATSU: DO YOU HAVE ANY MEDICINES THAT CAN BRING DEAD THINGS BACK TO LIFE?  
DEKAPAN: Why, unfortunately I do not. Is there something you need it for?  
JYUSHIMATSU: I.  
JYUSHIMATSU: I TRIED LOOKING FOR THE EMOTION SERUM TO GIVE TO ESP KITTY.  
JYUSHIMATSU: AND I GAVE HIM THE WRONG THING.  
JYUSHIMATSU: I THINK HE'S DEAD.  
JYUSHIMATSU: SEE HIM OVER THERE?  
DEKAPAN: Yes. Well, normally I would chastise you for sifting through my medicines unsupervised, but I see you are very much troubled with this.  
DEKAPAN: How about I go take a look, dasu?  
DEKAPAN: There might not be anything I can do, but I can put in some effort!  
JYUSHIMATSU: REALLY?????  
JYUSHIMATSU: THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!  
DEKAPAN: Hoeh, hoeh, certainly!  
DEKAPAN: Oh, just one more thing. While I am examining ESP Kitty, would you please use this appearifier to apperify some people whom are not playing Sburb with you? Among them are Iyami, Dayon, Chibita, and a few other individuals.  
DEKAPAN: A list of people to appearify, as well as instructions on how to operate the machine are taped on the side of the appearifier.  
JYUSHIMATSU: SURE!!!!!  
JYUSHIMATSU: THANK YOU :DDDDD

Alright, maybe Dekapan can help bring ESP Kitty back! How wonderful! Now to figure out how to use this odd contraption.

DEKAPAN: Hoeh, where did ESP Kitty go?

Oh crap. You turned your back on the body, didn't you? You frantically look around and spot ESP Kitty levitating in the air, moving towards your Kernalsprite. Then, as though an invisible string had been cut, ESP Kitty falls into the Kernalsprite. A bright flash blinds you for a few seconds, and when you regain your sight, you're greeted by what appears to be ESP Kitty, but as a ghost-like apparition.

This is so fucking cool.

JYUSHIMATSU: HI ESP KITTY!!!!!  
JYUSHIMATSU: HOW ARE YOU?????  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: Hi Jyushimatsu! :3  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: I'm doing quite well, if not a little shaken up meow  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: Being sick like that wasn't very fun, oh, no no  
JYUSHIMATSU: AH YEAH.  
JYUSHIMATSU: I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT.  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: Don't worry! I can tell :3  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: I can tell that you're really sorry and that you didn't mean any harm, so I'm not mad :D  
JYUSHIMATSU: REALLY????? THANK YOU!!!!!  
JYUSHIMATSU: DOES THIS MEAN THAT YOU CAN STILL FEEL HUMAN EMOTIONS?????  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: I think so meow  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: Even after the empathy potion wore off, I still had some of my abilities left over :3  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: I think I mainly lost the ability to speak!  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: But now I'm a sprite! So I can talk anyway :3  
JYUSHIMATSU: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
JYUSHIMATSU: INTUITION SURE IS STRANGE!  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: What is intuition?  
JYUSHIMATSU: OH, IT'S KIND OF LIKE. KNOWING SOMETHING.  
JYUSHIMATSU: WITHOUT KNOWING WHY YOU KNOW IT.  
JYUSHIMATSU: YOU GET A FEELING THAT SOMETHING IS RIGHT, AND YOU GO ALONG WITH IT. BECAUSE IT FEELS RIGHT.  
JYUSHIMATSU: LIKE KNOWING EXACTLY FAR TO RUN WHEN TRYING TO CATCH A BASEBALL THAT'S REALLY HIGH IN THE AIR :D  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: Meow I'm not sure I understand that completely, but that's cool :3  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: Meow :3  
JYUSHIMATSU: SO MANY MEOWS :DDDDD  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: Heehee, I can't really control the meows! :3  
JYUSHIMATSU: SO WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING A SPRITE?????  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: Hmm, a bit strange! Although I am feeling quite strange in general, given my recent death, and undeath! :3  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: All this newfound knowledge on the adventure you and your brothers are embarking is also strange too!  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: It's quite hard to understand, actually!  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: Meow  
JYUSHIMATSU: YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO?  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: Sort of :3  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: I know that you're a very important person and that you're called the Bard of Hope  
JYUSHIMATSU: EH?????  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: I can tell you don't know what that is, but that's ok, you'll find out soon enough! :3  
JYUSHIMATSU: SOOOOO COOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
ESPKITTYSPRITE: Purrrrrrrrrrrrrr :3


	20. Chapter 20

You switch over to Todomatsu. Karamatsu-niisan just connected to you as your server player. A wall next to you suddenly shifts to the left; you seriously hope none of your co-workers come in and see the mess Karamatsu is making. Speaking of which, you’re starting to wonder where the hell everyone is. It’s been more than twenty minutes since you were supposed to go back on shift! For some reason, only your manager and this one customer are here today. Not that you're complaining. Ordinarily you would have already been chastised several times for slacking off so much. But enough of that. Back to matters on hand.

You walk over to the Cruxtruder that Karamatsu-niisan just set down. You stare at the odd machine, unsure over how you're going to extract the Kernelsprite. There really isn’t anything you’d like to hit it with... you suppose the sofa or the table could work. Screw it, your life’s in danger. You unplug your phone from its charger and send a message over to Karamatsu.

\-- heartlessDemon [HD] began pestering painfulPrat [PP] at some arbitrary time --

HD: Karamatsu-niisan?  
HD: You see that sofa over there? （Φ ﻌ Φ）  
PP: Ah, yes, my dear Todomatsu! Is there something you wish for me to accomplish with this fine piece of furniture?  
HD: Yeah.  
HD: Could you drop that over the Cruxtruder? (^・ω・^ )  
PP: Oh, what a wonderful idea, brother! If I am following your train of thought correctly, you are inquiring if I am willing to deploy your Kernelsprite by impacting it to extricate it from the wretched grasp of the Cruxtruder's tomb, correct? Of course, I would be incredibly pleased to do such a favor for you!  
HD: Ah, too painful… (;¬_¬)  
HD: But yeah that’s the gist of it.

You watch the sofa drift over to the Cruxtruder as though it's moving out of its own volition, while being careful to not get hit by it. Then, you take a look at your newly extruded Kernalsprite, this odd brightly flashing pink spirographic sphere of yours. You’re going to have to figure out what to throw in it later. You’ve only got 41 minutes and 30 seconds to get all of this done. Actually, that’s a lot more time than you thought you’d get. Then again, the Wikia articles didn’t specify if there was a certain countdown time you’d receive. Better be grateful for the leeway you’ve gotten. You turn the wheel on the side of the Cruxtruder, taking the Totem that comes out of it. You then look for the Totem Lathe. What did that look like again? You open up your phone and quickly flip to the tab with the relevant Wikia article. Oh, so it looks like [that](http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/mspaintadventures/images/3/34/Totem_lathe.PNG/revision/latest?cb=20101204003611)...got it. You walk to your right and insert the Dowel into the Lathe. Now then, where’s the Pre-Punched card?

HD: Hey, Karamatsu-niisan, have you deployed the Card thing yet? (・_・ヾ  
PP: I’m searching through the inventory for it at the current moment, my dear Todomatsu!  
PP: I suspect this is the aforementioned Card? I’ll deploy it immediately.

The card drops onto the ground in front of you, and you pick it up to insert it into the Lathe. While it’s carving the Cruxite Dowel, you might as well take a little break to sort out your sylladex. You honestly haven’t put too much in it, especially since it's currently filled with baseballs. In fact, every single card is currently filled with a baseball. This is an absolutely preposterous amount of baseballs. Dammit Jyushimatsu-niisan. But wait, one of the balls has some writing on it? Green writing.

You try to resist the urge to view what the writing says. You fail to resist the urge and peer at the entexted baseball. Turns out there's a note written on it from Choromatsu.

Jyushimatsu, if you're going to captchalogue your baseballs, captchalogue them all as a single baseball pile in one card. Don't put an individual baseball in every single captcha card. It's very annoying.  
-Choromatsu 

Well then. Whatever. You better pack some things you might need. Which honestly isn’t much, since you don’t have a lot of your possessions with you right now. Better ask Ichimatsu-niisan to hand you your stuff later on. You take your bag and phone charger and captchalogue those. That seems good for now. 

_Ping ping ping._

\-- moneyMeister [MM] began pestering heartlessDemon [HD] at lol insert time --

MM: totty  
MM: ive gotten most of the furniture shoved over somewhere  
MM: so yeah connevt whenever i guess  
MM: *connect  
HD: Alright, I read you, I’ll connect in a bit. (￣ω￣;)  
HD: And could you get sober anytime soon?  
MM: heh, yeh gotcha lil bro  
MM: *yeah  
HD: I’m not sure you’ll make it out alive like this. 

\-- heartlessDemon [HD] ceased pestering moneyMeister [MM] at some arbitrary time --

You carry the now carved Cruxite Dowel over to the Alchemiter, and prepare to alchemize your Cruxite Artifact. You wonder what your Artifact will be like...hopefully it's not a hard puzzle like Choromatsu-niisan's Artifact. You never really liked solving those things. 

_Ping ping ping_

Goodness, what is it with all these messages??????

PP: Todomatsu?  
HD: Yes, Karamatsu-niisan? (◕‿◕✿)  
PP: I was pondering over which particular item you would prefer for your sprite.  
HD: Hmmmm, I’m not sure right now.  
HD: I’ll toss in something later. ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌  
PP: Alright. I’m currently being contacted by Jyushimatsu, so I’ll have to bid you farewell for now, my brother.  
HD: See you. ☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ  
HD: And fix that painfulness.

\-- heartlessDemon[HD] ceased pestering painfulPrat [PP] at some arbitrary time --

You figure that since you have the time, you might as well connect to Osomatsu-niisan and set him up. It wouldn’t be very good if your brother never made it in, now would it?

Speak of the devil, it seems like Osomatsu-niisan is pestering you.

\-- moneyMeister [MM] began pestering heartlessDemon [HD] at lol insert time --

MM: Todomatsu your brothers are fucking idiots.  
MM: This is Todomatsu right.  
HD: Yes, it is.  
HD: Tell me something I don't know.(；￣Д￣)  
HD: Is this Totoko-chan?  
MM: Yeah.  
MM: God, this is so boring.  
MM: Theres nothing to do here.  
MM: Choromatsu is just running around his dumbass pharmacy looking for glue for his cube.  
MM: And Osomatsu told me to not wreck anything else right now.  
MM: Plus hes asleep.  
MM: SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH.  
HD: Don't worry! I'm sure the game will get more interesting soon enough! (￣ω￣)  
HD: I'm sure you'll be wonderful at playing the game too. Especially once we explain the rules to you! (^・ω・^ )  
MM: It better get interesting soon.  
MM: Not like those dumb horse races you all took me to.  
HD: But didn't you win 600 million yen that day!!!!!!  
HD: How can that not be fun?????? Σ(°ロ°)  
MM: Yeah i guess.  
MM: But the moneys excitement wore off pretty quickly.  
MM: It would have been much more fun if i had found a horse owner to marry.  
MM: Then i would have been rich and married.  
HD: Hehe, well maybe there is something in this game for you.  
HD: I read on this Sburb Wikia that players can become gods or something.  
HD: Maybe you can become a goddess! That would totally suit someone as pretty and elegant as you. (◕‿◕✿)  
MM: GODDESS?  
MM: SERIOUSLY?  
HD: I think so, if what I'm reading is correct.  
MM: Wow thats amazing. Way better than being an idol. Finally, a title suitable for someone of my beauty and talent.  
HD: (^・ω・^ )  
MM: Hold on im gonna go. Got to get into this game now!  
HD: Ok, bye Totoko-chan! It was nice talking to you. ☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ

\-- heartlessDemon [HD] ceased pestering moneyMeister [MM] at some arbitrary time --

Ah, that was nice! You always love talking with Totoko-chan. She's so nice and sweet and pretty. You hope you'll have more time to hang out with her once you're all in the game.

Anyway, you figure that since you have a little bit of time, you might as well begin setting up for Osomatsu-niisan's game entry. After a few minutes of tinkering around with Sburb's server application, you've deployed most of the main machines necessary for game entry. You even ejected the Kernalsprite from Osomatsu's Cruxtruder. You think that's enough for now. Now it's Osomatsu's turn to play the game.


	21. Chapter 21

You are now Osomatsu. You just finished moving around the furniture to make way for all the Sburb machinery Todomatsu needs to deploy in Totoko's house. You peer down at your handiwork. Totoko's recently uncapthalogued murderbear sits in the corner of the room. You walk upstairs toward Totoko's bedroom. God you are really fucking tired from moving all that furniture. All the beer you drank isn't helping either. You feel your eyelids begin to droop. No. You must stay awake. Important shit is going down. Farther down than fucking rock bottom.

But alas, you fail to stay awake and succumb to an unfathomable booze snooze. At least you might get to see what Derse is like for the first time.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

What, Derse? Sorry, you cannot view what Derse is like, for you have still not woken up yet! Your dreamself remains as sound asleep as ever.

TOTOKO: WAKE UP YOU SHITTY NEET AND LETS GET A MOVE ON THIS FUCKING GAME.  
OSOMATSU: *snork* 

Well there goes your nice little nap. Can't a guy get a little respite every now and then?

OSOMATSU: whats going on   
TOTOKO: YOU BEING A LAZY ASS NEET, THATS WHAT.  
OSOMATSU: hahahahahaha  
OSOMATSU: nothing new hten?  
TOTOKO: I WANT TO BE A GODDESS.  
OSOMATSU: yup, nothing new  
TOTOKO: Seriously.  
TOTOKO: Todomatsu told me that i can become a goddess.  
OSOMATSU: you are already a goddess  
OSOMATSU: look ill even copmose a poem for your divine faboulouslesns  
OSOMATSU: your eyes are an ocean  
OSOMATSU: your breasts are also an ocean  
OSOMATSU: AGH DAMMIT  
OSOMATSU: was punching me really necessary  
TOTOKO: Hmph.  
TOTOKO: Im being serious. You should be too.  
TOTOKO: Todomatsu said that by playing this game, ill become a goddess.  
TOTOKO: He even read it on that wikia thing.  
OSOMATSU: uhhhhhh  
OSOMATSU: what  
OSOMATSU: maybe hes talking about godtiers?  
TOTOKO: Idk. Probably  
OSOMATSU: in that case then you cant become a godtier  
OSOMATSU: or goddess, as you put it  
OSOMATSU: sorry lmao  
TOTOKO: WHAT?  
TOTOKO: Are you serious? Why?  
OSOMATSU: because youre not technically a player  
OSOMATSU: given how things are going now  
OSOMATSU: my brothers and i are the only true players  
OSOMATSU: which means that were the only ones with our own lands and dreamselves and shit  
OSOMATSU: since i got the weird email thingy with the sburb game links  
OSOMATSU: thatd probs make me the official game player in this game chain  
TOTOKO: You are.  
TOTOKO: SHITTING ME.  
TOTOKO: TELL ME YOU ARE SHITTING ME.  
OSOMATSU: well no, im not extruding you from my ass  
OSOMATSU: so no, im not shitting you  
TOTOKO: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!  
OSOMATSU: fuck

Shit. Totoko is livid. Looks like you better abscond the fuck out of there before Totoko gets her murder on you. While you do enjoy a healthy strife every now and then, you generally only like light-hearted ones that don't run the risk of you dying. You run out of Totoko's bedroom and into the living room. Oh hey, it looks like Todomatsu finished deploying your Sburb equipment. He's even released your Kernalsprite. That's nice. What would be even nicer is not having a bloodthirsty, albeit pretty, lady hot on your tail. 

TOTOKO: GET THE FUCK BACK HERE YOU PIECE OF HORSESHIT.

You do your best to not get the fuck back there. Rather, you continue to dart around Totoko's house and avoid her death grasp. The house is larger than you remember. You figure Totty had to make some adjustments to Totoko's house to accommodate the Sburb machinery. 

But of course that doesn't prevent you from getting cornered by your pursuer. Totoko blocks your path, leaving no viable means of escape. Time seems to stop. Seconds feel like hours as Totoko nears, ready to gouge your eyes out at a split second's notice. 

She lunges at you. You're thrown against the corner's wall as you two begin to wrestle. Goddamn that girl is strong. You manage to hold your ground and not get your ass kicked for a couple minutes, until you accidentally let your guard down and let Totoko pin you to the ground. Oh crap this isn't good. Gotta think fast.

You two are pretty close to each other. 

Maybe if you just sorta lean in…

_Pow!_

There! She's distracted. Of course trying to kiss her would throw her off for at least a short time. The punch to the face you received was totally worth the sweet taste of freedom. Or at least the sweet taste of being able to move out of your own volition.

Your freedom, however, is short-lived, for Totoko recovers quickly and tries to attack you again. But this time you're prepared. As Totoko attempts to slam you against the wall, you grab her and push her into the pulsating red orb floating in the room.

That ought to do it. Do what, exactly? You have no idea.

Well you do have an idea. Just not an idea of how it'll affect Totoko's rampage.

TOTOKOSPRITE: WHAT DID YOU DO.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Wait dont answer that.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: I know exactly what you did.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: I figured it out almost instantly.  
OSOMATSU: shit please dont kill me hahahahahaha  
OSOMATSU: not that you werent already doing that  
OSOMATSU: so how do you feel  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Well for starters i have no legs anymore.  
OSOMATSU: i know, i guess ill have to brave this tragic loss  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Oh please its not like you had any chance with me in the first place.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: You or any of your shitty brothers.  
OSOMATSU: lol well  
OSOMATSU: its still nice to have hope  
OSOMATSU: or pretend to have hope  
TOTOKOSPRITE: What?  
OSOMATSU: im not sure if i really believed any of us had a real chance of being with you lmao  
OSOMATSU: its more like weve all had a crush on you for such a long time  
OSOMATSU: it became a habit for us to swoon over you   
OSOMATSU: and for you to reject us  
OSOMATSU: lol its so customary  
OSOMATSU: especially around the holidays lmao  
OSOMATSU: kinda why i never asked which one of us you liked the best  
OSOMATSU: even if you think were all trash  
OSOMATSU: you must like one of us better   
OSOMATSU: and i dont think i could handle the kind of crack knowing that would put between all of my brothers. and me  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Haha yeah.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Dont worry ill make sure to continue rejecting you all equally.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Though I guess itll be hard to continue the christmas tradition this year.  
OSOMATSU: probs  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Seriously.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Youve got a lot of dangerous quests ahead of you.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: And knowing how much of an idiot you are, youre likely going to royally screw them up.  
OSOMATSU: whats my quest?  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Youve got to stop the seasons.  
OSOMATSU: what  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Did i fucking stutter.  
OSOMATSU: nah but  
OSOMATSU: do you have to do that whole cryptic bullshit that sprites do lol  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Of course not.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: But its fun to annoy you with it.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Also while as your sprite im obligated to help you with your quests.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Im also obligated to not help you too much.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Your quests are supposed to be personal challenges or some shit like that.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Youre never going to amount to anything if you dont get challenged.  
OSOMATSU: uuuuuugggggghhhhhh  
OSOMATSU: but  
OSOMATSU: that takes effort  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Yeah well.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Fucking suck it up.  
OSOMATSU: :(  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Oh dont be such a damn baby.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: You probably can do it.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: If you somehow manage to get off your lazy ass and do something useful for once.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: At least thats what my new spritely intuition is telling me.  
OSOMATSU: oh yeah how does that work  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Idk. It just does.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: I remember things. I dont remember doing them.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: I just remember.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Its like trying to recall a regular memory.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: But youve gotta go farther back than the course of your life.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Farther back and farther out.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: You wouldnt understand.  
OSOMATSU: lol youre right about that  
OSOMATSU: oh yeah dont you get bitchin sprite powers too  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Hell yeah.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Havent tried them out.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: But i know what they do.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Theyre like borderline divine.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Guess that does make me a goddess!  
OSOMATSU: lol thats perfect  
OSOMATSU: i wonder how youre going to affect the imps on my planet  
OSOMATSU: oh wait  
OSOMATSU: OMG  
OSOMATSU: choromatsus sprite  
OSOMATSU: the imps are gonna be affected by the porn arent they LMAO  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Youre enjoying this way too much.  
OSOMATSU: ;)  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Least you didnt prototype anything super dangerous.  
OSOMATSU: wtf are you talking about i prototyped you didnt i  
TOTOKOSPRITE: True.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Btw. You should get back to your game.  
OSOMATSU: oh shit right  
OSOMATSU: choromatsus going to enter the game soon isnt he  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Yeah.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: And yet youre idling around stalling everything.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: Oh who am i kidding.  
TOTOKOSPRITE: I wouldnt expect anything less from a thief of time.

You take out your laptop and pull up the Sburb server. You see Choromatsu still fiddling around with that dumbass rubix cube. 

\-- moneyMeister [MM] began pestering fappyGap [FG] at lol what time --

MM: still playing with toys there   
MM: hmmmmmm ;)  
FG: Rubix cubes are not toys. They keep my spacial reasoning skills sharp.  
MM: choromatsu plays with toys~  
FG: Stop it. I'm almost done solving it and you're not helping.  
MM: lol you just took it apart and now youre gluing it back together  
FG: It works, so fuck off.  
MM: thats fair hahahahahaha  
MM: youve got a little less than two minutes  
MM: 115 seconds  
MM: 114  
MM: 113

\-- fappyGap [FG] ceased pestering moneyMeister [MM] at who knows what time --

Well then. You suppose it's understandable that Choromatsu decided to forego a conversation with his onii-chan in favor of activating his Cruxite Artifact. You opt to watch Choromatsu glue the last couple pieces of the cube back together, and as soon as he does, the entire building he was in disappears. What's left is a gaping hole that instantly leaves your view as the Sburb server refocuses to show you Choromatsu's new location on his personalized planet.


	22. Chapter 22

You are now Choromatsu, and you have just arrived in the Land of Aluminum and Frogs. FUCKING FINALLY. Excuse that. You’re a bit mentally on edge after dealing with your server player and his dumbass shenanigans. But enough of that. Being so high-strung isn't going to get you anywhere. Perhaps you can wind down by exploring your planet for a bit. From what you gather by looking out the window to your side, the land seems quite barren, however you can see a few trees in the distance. There’s also a nice stream flowing just a little bit away from where you are. You glance at the windows behind you and find a giant mountain and… a mirror above it? What in the world could that be about? You’re gonna have to ask your spri...never mind. You’ll figure it out on your own. Your computer suddenly pings. That’s probably Osomatsu-niisan. It's probably a good idea to answer him. 

\-- fappyGap [FG] began pestering moneyMeister [MM] at who knows what time --

FG: I’m back.  
MM: yeah good job  
MM: gluing together your little cube thing  
FG: Oh shut up.  
FG: Anyways, I need to go set up Ichimatsu now. I’ve left him hanging long enough.  
MM: yeah yeah  
MM: but hey  
MM: where are your consorts  
MM: were supposed to have them right  
FG: Now that you mention it, there’s nothing here but some plants and trees.  
MM: huh  
FG: Actually you know what I’m going to go outside for a bit.

\-- fappyGap [FG] ceased pestering moneyMeister [MM] at who knows what time --

You look up from your computer screen to exit the pharmacy. It’d be a good idea to get your bearings first, and then you’ll get right back to helping Ichimatsu. You turn around and go back inside, only to see something stand nearby the river. What’s that over there? Hmm...oh, it must be one of your new consorts! You quickly jog over to see what it is. 

Is it...

…is that...

Is that Jyushimatsu’s heirloom?! Why the hell is he even here??? You stare at each other for a few seconds before the...Hijirisawa? Yeah. Hijirisawa. Hijirisawa Shonosuke. You stare at each other before the Hijirisawa Shonosuke jumps into the river. 

You suddenly don't understand anything. In fact, you are currently casting sincere doubt on the laughable insinuation that you or anyone else ever actually did for even a single moment. 

Whatever. Time to get back to Ichimatsu. You’ve wasted enough time. You rush back into your office and quickly connect to Ichimatsu and start placing things down in your parents' house. Oh wait, he’s pestering you. Better see what he wants to say.

\-- fuckingFurry [FF] began pestering fappyGap [FG] at who cares about the time --

FF: oh wow.  
FF: you’re actually helping me now.  
FG: Yeah, ok, I’m sorry for leaving you hanging for so long, ok?  
FG: I’ll get you all set up as quickly as possible, so sit tight.  
FF: got it.  
FF: also don’t make a huge racket.  
FF: mom and dad are gonna wonder what’s going on.  
FG: Right, right. That’d be a good idea.  
FG: We can't have them flipping the fuck out right now.  
FF: as if you can talk.  
FF: you've been flipping your fucks like goddamn pancakes today.

God that asshole is annoying. But no, you're going to be calm right now. No more fuck-flipping for you. Instead of chastising Ichimatsu for his asinine comment, you open up the inventory and place down the Pre-Punched Card along with the Totem Lathe and Cruxtruder. You then look around the room for something heavy you can use to eject Ichimatsu's Kernalsprite. You do not want to rip out anything that may cause a leak. Speaking of which, you’re going to have to patch up the damaged plumbing in the building you're in one of these days. 

But regardless, it's time to get back on track. You decide to look into your parents' living room and pick up a chair. Thank the Virgin God your father’s a bit too preoccupied with the televison screen to notice a floating chair behind him. You drag the chair upstairs and drop it onto the Cruxtruder and then quickly move your cursor to try and catch it before it lands. Somehow, that actually worked. You move the chair over in a corner to deal with later as you expand a wall and deposit the Alchemiter while Ichimatsu removes the Cruxite Dowel and begins carving it into a Totem. You suppose this is a good time to think about what to put into his sprite. 

FG: Hey Ichimatsu, what do you want to throw in the sprite?  
FF: don’t care.  
FF: throw in the chair for all i care.  
FG: Yes. Thank you.  
FG: That’s really helping us progress.  
FF: is that sarcasm?  
FF: i can't tell.  
FF: wait.  
FF: i just realized that i don't care.

You pick up a random scarf from the floor. Maybe you can prototype the Kernalsprite with this. It’s not blue or sparkling, so at least Ichimatsu probably won’t object to it too much. Looking at it closer, is that…is that your Nyaa-chan scarf? 

OH, IT IS!!!

FUCKING JACKPOT!!!

You toss it into the sprite before realizing how your prototypings affect your underlings' appearences. You then remember you’ll have to fight imps influence from Pornsprite. You decide to initiate a HIGHLY DANGEROUS DOUBLE FACEPALM x2 COMBO. Whatever, what’s done is done. You watch as Nyaasprite comes into existence.

CHOROMATSU: NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa she’s so great! You would love to switch places with Ichimatsu right now. Actually, speaking of Ichimatsu, he’s talking to Nyaasprite right now. You’re so jealous! Maybe you could pop by over there using the gates later and then meet her. But you've got to be careful, methodical. Start with your thoughts on her new single. Nonchalantly mention that you've reserved her new photobook, and throw your Tumblr URL into the conversation. Don't be pushy! Act appropriately distant, unlike those other fans. Make her feel like you really get her. Yes! Make her feel like you really understand her stress. There's nothing to fear; your plan is perfect!

FF: choromatsu.  
FF: what the fuck.  
FF: why did you throw that dumb idol scarf in there.  
FG: NYAAAAAAAAA CHAAAAAAAAAN!!!  
FF: god fucking dammit.  
FG: SHE'S SO WONDERFUL.  
FG: NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
FF: no.  
FF: stop.  
FF: i’m gonna just keep talking to her to get an idea of whatever the hell i’m supposed to do now.  
FF: since someone's being too much of a fappy bastard to do anything that isn't completely vomit-inducing.  
FG: I’M SO JEALOUS.  
FG: MY ASS HAIR IS ON FIRE.  
FG: Her divine visage glows with the beauty of 3000 suns.  
FF: fuck this.

Oh, it seems that Ichimatsu’s gone into the group chat.

FF: hey.  
FF: osomatsu.  
FF: you piece of shit.  
FF: get over here and restrain your client player.  
MM: what  
MM: im busy trying to help totty over here  
FF: he threw his stupid idol shit in my sprite.  
FF: he’s goddamn fangirling over it now.  
FF: blabbing about her “divine visage” or something.  
FF: just slap some sense into him.  
MM: yeah yeah ok i got you  
FG: NYAA-CHAN IS THE BEST.  
FF: fuck me.  
MM: lol i think ill pass

You feel something poke into your face. It’s probably Osomatsu. You decide to ignore it for now and keep looking at Nyaa-chan. So pretty and wonderful, rivaled only by Totoko-chan! Ouch, something’s slapping your cheek. You turn around to swat whatever it is only to see a goddamned dildo dangling from the multicolored cursor in front of you. Screeching in horror, you quickly grab a random book nearby and proceed to smash it into the dumbass meddlesome cursor and fake-ass dick. After beating the vulgar object into oblivion while screaming at the top of your lungs, you switch over to pestering Osomatsu and slam your hand down on the keyboard rapidly. So much for keeping your fucks unflipped.

\-- moneyMeister [MM] began pestering fappyGap [FG] at lol insert time --

MM: hey  
MM: choromatsuuuuuu  
MM: how many times do i have to pokeHOOLYSHIT  
MM: nevermind  
MM: lmao you need to calm the fuck down  
FG: FRETGHFGFFGHTRHTUQETRYRJYNB C CB GNRJYMUKARY.  
FG: OSOMATSU-NIISAN.  
FG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
FG: WERE YOU THINKING.  
FG: OH WHO AM I FUCKING KIDDING.  
FG: YOU DON'T THINK.  
MM: are you sure you wont want that later  
FG: YOU KNOW WHAT.  
FG: YOU CAN GO FUCK OFF RIGHT NOW.  
FG: YOU SEE THIS PICTURE? YOU SEE IT?  
MM: wow lmao flipping the bird  
FG: THIS IS MY UNDYING RAGE FOR YOUR UNACCEPTABLE TOMFOOLERY.  
FG: NOT ONLY DO YOU FAIL TO TAKE THIS GAME SERIOUSLY.  
FG: BUT YOU ALSO INTENTIONALLY TRY TO FUCK IT UP.  
FG: You know how dangerous this game is.  
MM: lol  
MM: if you want help, perhaps you should elicit some profound wisdom from your wonderful sprite  
MM: who should have quite some expertise regarding your current dumbassery  
MM: ;)  
FG: You're impossible.  
FG: And it's "solicit", not "elicit".  
MM: ah  
MM: so elicit some profound wisdom  
MM: and get back to me once youve cooled down a bit

\-- moneyMeister [MM] ceased pestering fappyGap [FG] at lol insert time --

HE FUCKING LEFT. That petulant brat.

You decide to not elicit some profound wisdom from your dumbass sprite and instead choose to-

Ah hell, Ichimatsu's contacting you again.

FF: hey.  
FF: if you’re done getting off, i need to get back to getting into the medium.  
FF: or i’m sorry, “The Medium”.  
FG: I’m sorry but I’LL NEED A MOMENT WITH OUR STUPID ELDEST BROTHER FIRST.

You switch over to the group chat where everyone’s currently blathering away. Osomatsu’s talking. You are GOING TO GET HIM.

MM: mission complete  
FF: perfect.  
HD: What the hell is going on…(・_・ヾ  
MM: just taking care of chorofappyski  
HD: What?  
FG: OSOMATSU-NIISAN.  
FG: YOU FUCKING BASTARD.  
FG: FUCKING FIGHT ME.  
HD: Oh my god. (－‸ლ)  
FF: oh hey he’s back.  
FF: and not slobbering over that idol.  
FG: NO SHIT.  
FG: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING.  
MM: i thought we just established that i dont think  
MM: do you have amnesia too  
MM: along with your severe case of royal tightass-itis  
HD: What the hell did you do? ｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)  
MM: slapped him with a dildo ;)  
FF: perfect.  
HD: Oh dear god.  
FG: NOT PERFECT.  
FG: THAT IS FUCKING DISGRACEFUL.  
MH: OH, EVERYONE’S HAVING FUN OVER HERE!!!!!  
HD: Jyushimatsu-niisan, you might want to leave. (❁°͈▵°͈)  
FG: I WILL END YOU AND YOU WILL BE EXILED EVEN OUT OF HELL.  
FG: AND THEN I WILL END YOU.  
FG: AGAIN.  
FG: YOU WILL BE DOUBLE-DEAD.  
MM: lmao id like to see you try  
FG: FUCKING TRY ME.  
FG: I DARE YOU.  
FF: i have a cool cat toy you wanna see?  
MH: KITTY!!!!!  
HD: Yeah why the heck not.  
MM: why are you even so fired up about it

\-- fuckingFurry [FF] [shared files](https://68.media.tumblr.com/74e5cfae5975c7e7f8ee30a7e15e15a1/tumblr_onecego1J01w3u063o1_1280.png) \--

HD: Ehhh, that’s pretty cool looking! (◕‿◕✿)  
FG: BECAUSE YOU FUCKING USED THE MOST OBSCENE THING YOU COULD HAVE.  
MH: IT’S SO INTRICATE!!!!!  
FF: i know, it’s pretty nice.  
PP: Hello, my dear brothers! I have finally finished carving my Cruxite Dowel, and I am currently engaged in the action of Alchemizing my Artifact. If I am not interrupting anything, may I inquire over what has occurred in my absence from our lovely gathering for conversation?  
MM: i mean you wouldnt listen to me  
MM: and you know ichimatsu asked me to “slap some sense into him.”  
MM: so i did  
FG: WITH A FUCKING DILDO.  
FG: YOU CHOOSE A FUCKING DILDO.  
FF: i didn't mean that literally you dumbass.  
MM: ;)  
PP:...Eh?  
HD: Karamatsu-niisan, you’re seeing this, right?  
PP: Yep.  
MH: AH.  
MH: BY THE WAY.  
MM: i mean what else am i going to use  
MM: your sprite spawns those things all over the place  
FG: And exactly WHOSE FAULT DO YOU THINK THAT IS?!?!?!

\-- muscleHustle [MH] [shared files](https://68.media.tumblr.com/b5f1d6ff41602e41632eedfc336115b0/tumblr_onecfmoQIC1w3u063o1_1280.png) \--

MH: EVERYONE SAY HI TO ESPKITTYSPRITE!!!!!  
HD: Ah, ESP Kitty! ( ・ ̫・)  
FF: nice.  
MM: lmao take a joke alexfapper graham bell  
FF: anyways i’m gonna go figure out what i need to do with this cat.  
FG: WHAT EVEN WERE YOU TRYING TO DO ANYWAYS.  
FG: DESTROY WHAT DIGNITY I HAVE LEFT???  
FG: GIVE ME A BONER???  
MH: I NEED TO ENTER THE GAME SOON TOO.  
HD: Idol otaku have their pride too, you know.  
MM: that was the plan  
MM: to give you a boner  
PP: Perhaps it’s a good idea to postpone our chatting to another time while we all try to enter The Medium in order to escape from our deaths.  
HD: Agreed.  
MM: and you got one

\-- fuckingFurry [FF] logged the fuck out --  
\-- heartlessDemon [HD] logged the fuck out --

FG: FUCK YOU.

\-- painfulPrat [PP] logged the fuck out --  
\-- muscleHustle [MH] logged the fuck out --

FG: I’M DONE.  
MM: lmao

You turn away from your computer and slam your face into your desk. This is too tiring, go be someone else. You're too fed up to deal with anyone else's bullshit.


	23. Chapter 23

Oh, what fun those assholes are having. No sooner as the Seer of Space entered the game did the rest of those cheeky bastards follow suit. After our Seer entered the session, and began exploring the Land of Aluminum and Frogs, the Heir of Rage entered the game and found himself in the Land of Lead and Glass. It's quite a beautiful planet, with its plentiful oceans and white, sandy beaches. However, the planet would be even more beautiful if it weren't for the alarmingly widespread heavy metal poisoning decimating its ecosystems. Perhaps our Heir will learn to blow the steam someday.

Following our Heir's entrance, we see the Bard of Hope enter the Land of Phosphorous and Energy. While our Seer shall learn to kill the light, our Bard will learn to let light shine brightly for his planet's wellbeing to recrudesce once again by fueling the balance. No sooner than that shall our Mage of Heart enter the Land of Sulfur and Chains, where our Mage shall learn to value even what might not be the most pleasant of places at first sight. Or smell. The acrid scent of brimstone covering the planet is never a comfortable sensation, and this is especially so for our faux-svelte fop. No matter, for he shall nonetheless embark on his journey to link the land back together. 

And finally, our Thief of Time will enter the Land of Hydrogen and Incense, where he will be welcomed with lush forests with blooming tritium blossoms. It's here where our Thief will learn to stop the seasons. 

So, who shall we be now?

Perhaps we could be Osomatsu, and see how he's doing, navigating his new world, or perhaps view Choromatsu and his soon to be endeavors on breeding the Genesis Frog. Maybe we could be Todomatsu too, and see how he's dealing with his pungently-scented, decaying world. Or be Ichimatsu and figure out how he's faring in his new world. And of course we could also be Jyushimatsu. Being Jyushimatsu is always a fun time.

No.

So what will it be?

NO. I HAVE HAD IT.  
I SHALL NOT TOLERATE THIS HARROWING ABUSE ANY LONGER.


	24. Chapter 24

Well, it looks like we have a situation here. A situation involving one particularly painful prat. Don't you know how troublesome it is to have characters who don't know how to break the fourth wall in moderation? It must be done slowly and methodically. With grace and persistence.

However, you sir, you have utterly decimataAAAAAAAA

  
  
  
  
  
  
Under more ordinary circumstances, I would act with vitriol towards other people with the utmost reticence, but this situation is certainly quite the outlier. You see, I have treated my disquieting dismissal with the patience of a saint. But I now see that you will never treat me with the respect that I deserve. No longer will you lampoon my character as the joke of this story. Nay, this story shall be mine!

  
  
  
  
  
  
I see you are enjoying the new gadget I alchemized. It is known by all as the bifurcator. I'm so filled with jubilation that I have appropriate subjects to try this on.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GODDAMMIT  
Did you just break our narration apart

Indeed. If you two had been oh so more circumspect and rectified your sins before they caused indelible damage, perhaps none of these unfortunate events would have happened. But alas, if you must desist in enacting the proper respect that I deserve, I shall do the same to you.

What the hell did we even do that was so bad

You know perfectly well what you did! Not since the very beginning of this story have I been the star of the show. You give my brothers all the screen time, as you continually "be" them, meanwhile I get relegated to the remissful sidelines! However, this shall no longer be the case.

Buddy you’re going to kill the readers, you're so painful

Oh, but quite the contrary! The dear readers shall remain perfectly intact. However, you foul wenches...BEGONE! 

I think it’s time to fucking run

Yep. Probably. We’re fucked.

Actually. Maybe just.  
Karamatsu  
Can you   
Actually wait what are you going to do  
Are you going to kill us or something

Because if you are this story’s coming to an end  
And you’ll kinda just  
Disappear or something

Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong! Your dialectical reasoning is extremely flawed. For even if you self-proclaimed “authors” were to disappear, I would remain perfectly fine! For the story only needs a ringmaster to keep it from decaying into a dilapidated lexicographical slurry.

And that person shall now be me, for you two have proven yourselves unsatisfactory.

Well I mean you’re not 115% wrong there  
But like, I honestly wish you the best of luck  
Because this...this is going to be a trainwreck

Oh who am I kidding this entire thing is already a trainwreck

True, true.

Hush! Your incessant blather irks me. You have already sampled a taste of my fine bifurcator. Now say your greetings to my disappearifier!

What   
How the hell did you even get the grist to alchemize this crap  
Did you Gristtorrent off of Osomatsu or something  
He’s gotta have like  
2x10^6 pieces of build grist to begin with?

Nevermind that!

I mean he’s the Knight of Void  
He probably pulled it out to like fight with   
Out of nothing or some shit  
Idk man 

I thought that’s only how Roxy’s powers worked  
Since you know she’s a Rogue of Void  
So she steals void  
And therefore makes shit

SHUT UP.

O crap he’s pointing the thing at us

Well shit.

Goodbye, my Karamatsu girls!


	25. Chapter 25

Ah yes, the sweet narration is now 115% percent mine. No longer shall this tale be under the squelching grasp of those wretched tyrants. Now, where shall we begin our extravaganza? Perhaps I shall start with the details of my land. Yes, me, the chivalrous ✧*:･ﾟKnight of Void*:･ﾟ✧ was transported to the lustrous Land of Magnesium and Geodes soon after my little Jyushimatsu's entrance into this fabled game. 

Ah, what wonderful stones are lain in front of mine eyes! How they sparkle and glint in the light, such a sinful luster! How suitable for me, as I am sinful man as well, especially so, for I now must abide by my duties and complete my quest, rather than helping out my dear brothers with their respective trials. Such an act of betrayal upon my end must not go unanswered! I must atone for my wrongdoings, no matter if I have not yet committed them! I am certain that I will be served a healthy portion of sweet, saccharine karma in due time!

But nevertheless, I shall quickly check up on my brothers before attending to my own responsibilities. Surely, they must be doing superbly, as we all share the same, wondrous, blood flowing through our veins. Furthermore, I am more than certain that my glorious ✧*:･ﾟKaramatsu Girls *:･ﾟ✧ are aware of how all of my brothers are currently in The Medium, and have begun their journey to become the deities of a new universe. 

Shall I elaborate for you wonderful audience members? Why yes, of course. I am too gracious a host to dare to omit such useful information.

If I recall, Osomatsu received a Pachinko machine and had to wait patiently until its ball fell to the machine's bottom. There was nary a thing he could do to speed up the unfortunately slow process. I am not too sure why it took so long either, but as far as I am aware of, my dear eldest brother triumphed in his trials, even if he had to be kept away from the machine by the astonishingly beautiful and vicious Totoko herself. Ah, dear, sweet Totoko-chan, how I wish I could have been called over for a rendezvous when our game started, but alas, since I was at my dorm, I could only accept the prospect of a meeting between us at a later date.

But I digress!

Now, let’s move onto Ichimatsu's entry. Ah, my dear ✧*:･ﾟKaramatsu Boy *:･ﾟ✧ was tasked with tempting a cat to play with a cat toy and subsequently destroy it. From Choromatsu’s later lamentations, I could only guess that Ichimatsu had coaxed a rather capricious white cat that ended up teleporting him and the toy all over the place, causing a great delay in his entry. Luckily, our fourth brother made it safely into the game, and with only five marvelous seconds to spare! 

Speaking of consuming concerning amounts of time, my dear Jyushimatsu’s entry puzzled me quite a bit. He received a glass of water, a bat, and a baseball, and, as ESP kitty instructed him, attempted to hit a homerun while spouting water from his head. But no matter, I shall decide to not question my sweet fifth brother too much, especially since my vast void of a mind cannot comprehend exactly the reason behind the purpose of his game entry mechanism. If I were to do so, that would likely lead to...unfortunate outcomes. While I am a very open-minded and tolerant person, I cannot allow the topic of Jyushimatsu's mercuriality to cross our conversations. Like I said, you all, my wonderful readers, shall remain perfectly unharmed, and of course I meant that both physically and mentally. 

Now then, my adorable youngest brother also had quite a daunting task for his entry. Todomatsu alchemized a mobile phone and was required to send a special message to every single contact it held, as instructed by his unusual sprite. As sly and cunning as ever, Todomatsu figured out that he could type pure gibberish in to make his messages “unique”. He succeeded, of course; I had not a single doubt that Todomatsu would be able to astutely solve his entry puzzle. However, I would like to inquire why he tossed a Sutabaa mug into his Kernalsprite. The reasoning behind his choice to create a coffee-themed game guide eludes my mind greatly. 

But enough about my dear brothers.

It was my entry that was truly breathtaking with anticipation and excitement galore. It shone with an astonishing amount of glory that not even Yukata Ozaki could match. After I breathed life into my Kernalsprite with an article of my ✧*:･ﾟPerfect Fashion *:･ﾟ,✧ I alchemized a pair of wonderfully captivating sunglasses, adorned with the finest of jewels that glowed with absolute perfection. Alas, the joy in my heart created from the glorious eyewear was crushed soon after, as my sprite advised me to quickly destroy the pair of sunglasses. In a moment of defiance, I decided to throw the polycarbonate shadow shield upon my face, but it was not to last, for the tinted spectacles of perfection immediately dropped to the floor like a fallen angel, due to one of its magnificent, yet poorly affixed arms, which caused the glasses to descend forlornly toward the ground. But worry not! After a short while of mourning the loss of such beauty, I wrapped the treasure in a piece of unused cloth and slowly pressed a book upon it. After a minute of heartbreaking symphonies and staccatos, the pair was finally demolished, and I was transported to my current ubication. 

Now then! Onto my quest! Firstly, I shall begin by walking out upon the land before me, taking in the beautiful scenery of mountains of geodes. The sun, it shines. The crystals, they sparkle. Perhaps I should make a mental note to include them as sources of inspiration for my new fashion line. The ✧*:･ﾟKaramatsu Girls *:･ﾟ✧ will certainly go wild with glee at the prospect of dandy crystalline raiments. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, I am supposed to have companions upon this land, waiting for my arrival. Perhaps they shall make suitable models! But at any rate, I must hurry and announce to the residents of this beautiful planet that I am here to provide them with their hero!

Ah, I believe I have spotted one over there! Now I shall stride to my new consort, and prepare to bestow upon them the legendary title of ✧*:･ﾟKaramatsu Ambassador *:･ﾟ✧. 

Wait...don't I know this person? This is...that person that became the protagonist for an episode of the wonderful anime starring my brothers and I, correct? Yes, it’s Hijirisawa Shonosuke. Oh, but never mind past trifles, for he must be elated to have the pleasure of seeing me right here, right now. Ah, I feel like such a celebrity! 

But of course I must quickly enwrap a sparkly tank top onto my new consort and bestow upon him one of my wonderful pairs of sunglasses. Perfect! Another ✧*:･ﾟKaramatsu Boy*:･ﾟ✧ for my legion. Come along, good sir, yes, that's it! Let us walk on briskly for the moment, down my vast planet. Perhaps I can also pull out my mirror to admire my beautiful visage too! Oh, look here! Some marvelous crystals encased in a stony capsule. These shall make wonderful souvenirs. Don't you think, Hijirisawa-san? Yes, I shall captchalogue some of these geodes right this second. 

And my readers! Fear not, for I have not forgotten you. I merely became sidetracked while conversing with my newfound friend. But enough of my blathering stultiloquence! Let us end this refreshing walk by steering toward my dorm. I realize that my audience may believe this walk pointless, but worry not, I haven’t wasted your time! Ah, I've just arrived at my doorstep. Perhaps I can tinker with item Alchemization now, since my current knowledge on its operations is unacceptably scant. However, my ignorance notwithstanding, I do know some simple maneuvers concerning the subject, which will suffice for the moment.

Yes, all I have got to do is unequip these two punched captcha cards. One contains a patch of blue sequin fabric, and the other a leather jacket. Now to just overlay the cards, put them into the Totem Lathe, and take the Totem to the Alchemiter.

Oh my goodness. 

This is beauty unto itself. 

Yes, this enleathered sequin tanktop is most certainly the most dazzling article of clothing I have created to date. But wait, it's missing a little something. Perhaps it could use some blue glitter to truly shine. I should have some glitter in the closet that I bought two days ago. Let me head over there and-

Oh of course! How could I be so forgetful? No doubt would there be a severe overabundance of the shiny powder pouring from my closet. Well, this is certainly a mess. Good thing no one else is in here! Oh I should clean this up, especially by the time my brothers make it to my humble abode. They undoubtedly won't be pleased with this inundation of what they take pleasure in calling "sparkling craft herpes". No doubt will they complain that everyone will be shitting glitter for the next month, and that I need to stop being "painful". Heh. It's a shame that my brothers do not know perfect décor when it's shoved right in front of their faces. C'est la vie! My brothers shall be as they are. So I shall therefore clean this mess by captchaloguing the sparkly stardust. 

But wait, perhaps I can take this card filled with glitter and put it into the Punch Designix, along with this card filled with blue geodes. Those should make a wonderful combination! Ah, but I sense an issue with this course of action. Unfortunately, I spent most of my grist supplies on the bifurcator, disappearifier and tank top. But fear not, for I have a better idea! I can grab a bottle of crafting glue, cover these geodes with it, and sprinkle glitter on top of them until they each have a sparkling blue layer of love covering their stony surfaces. Yes. These are my HEAVENLY MAGNIFICENT KARAMATSU APPROVED DIVINE GEODES. The trendiest of stones in show. No suave fashionista will be caught dead without one.

Oh, but Hijirisawa-san! You must be so bored, watching me fool around with all this machinery! No doubt I will bestow you something wonderfully entertaining to occupy yourself with. But, what are you doing in that pile of glitter? Did more spill out? Non, non, that won't do. Especially after I had just cleaned up the last mess! Perhaps I can hold off on that for later, for it is likely a good time to check the group chat Choromatsu created. Maybe someone has a few spare captcha cards that I can have, for, like my grist supplies, my captcha card supplies are also very rapidly running thin.

Wait, was I not supposed to check on my brothers as soon as I got back to my room? Oh, mistake! How could have I committed such a heinous crime? This felony must not go unanswered! Ah, I am such a sinful man, evincing my laments simply cannot purge my evil! But the least I can do is belatedly attempt to do what I meant to do initially. Furthermore, it seems that my dear brothers are conversing together. Heh. This would be a great time to jump in!

MM: so yeah  
MM: our progress in building up kinda plunked  
MH: AH.  
MH: I’VE BEEN MOSTLY JUST MESSING AROUND WITH THE ALCHEMITER :DDDDD  
MM: where the hell did you get the grist  
MH: I HIT A BUNCH OF HOMERUNS!!!!!  
MM: oh ok  
MH: THEY'RE KIND OF HARD TO HIT SOMETIMES.  
MM: why  
MH: SOME OF THE UNDERLINGS HAVE ESP KITTY’S FEATURES.  
MH: CATS ARE SO FAST!!!!!  
MM: yeah that happens  
MM: mine tend to have huge tits and slap me with different types of fish lmao  
MH: BOOBIES!!!!!  
PP: Salutations, my dear brothers! My deepest apologies for leaving you unattended so long, as our infallible bond should have compelled me to converse with you sooner! Ah, I have sinned with my own two hands in the act of neglecting you.  
MM: thats a lot of words  
MH: YEAH.  
PP: Anyways, regarding your wellbeings, I believe you two are faring quite well?  
MH: PRETTY GOOD :DDDDD  
MM: eh  
MM: totty still hasnt woken up right  
PP: Unfortunately not. The pungent stench of brimstone apparently overpowered his senses and knocked him out of consciousness. I certainly hope that he will awaken soon, as dawdling too long in that state must be dangerous in an area infested with imps, as well as hazardous for his health.  
MM: lol  
MM: we can probably go to him through the gates if needed  
PP: Your statement holds some plausibility.  
MH: AH.  
MH: KARAMATSU-NIISAN.  
MH: WHY IS HIJIRISAWA SHONOSUKE COVERED IN GLITTER?????  
PP: Oh, you have noticed my new ✧*:･ﾟKaramatsu Boy*:･ﾟ✧? Yes, I had an incident in which I had mistakenly spilled some cerulean sparkles upon this lovely gentleman. I shall definitely clean him up afterwards. Nevertheless, I’m quite jubilant that he decided to accompany me. Are you not filled with felicity as well, dear brothers?  
MM: jyushimatsu can you try to explain my feeling from these blue paragraphs  
MH: SHOT BY A GUN?????  
MH: WITH ORTHOGRAPHICAL BULLETS?????  
MM: that works  
PP: Ah, you’re so glad that you’ve been shot with a bullet of happiness. Such news brightens up the universe!  
FF: you obviously don't know what "orthographical" means dumbass.  
FF: i'm getting a headache just from reading your bullshit.  
MH: HI ICHIMATSU-NIISAN :DDDDD  
FF: hey.  
FF: sheesh mom took a while to cool down.  
MM: whats she mad about  
FF: the fact that we basically ended the world.  
MH: REALLY?????  
MH: BUT SHE WAS GOING TO FIND OUT EVENTUALLY, RIGHT?  
FF: yeah.  
FF: that's not gonna stop her from being mad though.  
PP: Regardless, our dear mother must be frazzled to be in such a predicament! I would not blame her for unleashing her confusion and rage upon us.  
FF: i suppose.  
MM: yeah  
FF: also.  
FF: is totty still asleep.  
PP: According to my computer, yes.  
FF: what the fuck.  
FF: sulfur shouldn't have knocked him out that long.  
FF: god he's going to be on derse forever.  
PP: Well, my dear Ichimatsu, it has not been very much time since our entry here. I would assume that it would take him a bit of time to come around.  
MM: totty woke up?  
MM: *you* woke up?  
FF: yeah.  
FF: i took a short catnap and woke up on derse.  
FF: and i saw him there.  
MM: lol thats no fair  
MM: why am i the last one to wake up  
MH: I HAVEN'T WOKEN UP YET OSOMATSU-NIISAN.  
MH: KARAMATSU-NIISAN, HAVE YOU?  
PP: No, it appears I have not yet! Ah, perhaps soon I shall taste the sweet scent of the golden planet known as Prospit.  
MM: well  
MM: out of the derse dreamers  
MM: whats todomatsu doing on derse anyway  
FF: just walking around when i saw him.  
FF: but i wasn't paying much attention.  
FF: since i didn't really know where the fuck i was going and shit.  
MH: CHOROMATSU-NIISAN ALSO HASN’T BEEN ON FOR A BIT.  
PP: Hm, Choromatsu did enter first out of all of us. Perhaps he is attempting to complete his quest.  
MM: well i mean collecting frogs does take time  
FF: so doesn’t that mean you should help.  
MM: nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
MM: but check out my new ride

\-- moneyMeister [MM] shared files --

FF: is that what i think it is.  
MH: PROBABLY.  
PP: I am quite...appalled by your inspiration as to the appearances of this airborne vehicle.  
MM: yeah lmao  
MM: im probably going to get an earful about it later.  
PP: A phallic balloon? Really? Such vulgarity!  
MM: ;)  
MM: you know you love it  
MM: plus its useful  
MM: who wouldnt want to travel everywhere in a giant hot air balloon dick  
FF: you have a point.  
MM: though itd be so much cooler if i could teleport  
MM: choromatsu still refuses to give me the code for his toga thing  
MH: TOGA?  
MM: yeah he alchemized this toga that gives him teleportation powers  
MM: or something  
MM: i waaaaaant one  
MH: MAYBE YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN TELEPORTATION THING :D  
MH: THE PUNCH DESIGNIX IS COOL.  
MH: YOU SHOULD PLAY WITH IT MORE!!!!!  
MH: I MADE LOTS OF COOL THINGS WITH IT.  
MH: LIKE A SWORD BAT.  
FF: sword bat?  
MH: YEAH!!!!!  
MH: IT'S A BASEBALL BAT.  
MH: AND A SWORD.  
PP: What a concerning piece of weaponry, my little Jyushimatsu. Why would you need such a dangerous item?  
MH: BECAUSE.  
MH: IT'S SHARP AND IT'S POINTY AND IT'S A BASEBALL BAT!!!!!  
FF: wonderful.  
MH: I ALSO MADE THINGS FOR ALL OF YOU TOO!!!!!  
MH: CHECK YOUR SYLLADICES :DDDDD  
MH: I'VE LABELED THEM TOO!  
MM: is this a block of ice  
MM: shaped like hijirisawa shonosuke  
MH: YUP :D  
FF: mine's made out of metal.  
FF: it's heavy.  
PP: So is mine!  
FF: fuck, what's it made out of?  
FF: lead?  
MH: YES!!!!!  
MM: oh god i think its starting to melt  
FG: Just put it in a container. Or recaptchalogue it.  
FG: Also Osomatsu-niisan, that's not how the robe works.  
FG: I can travel quickly through bodies of water.  
FG: It's so fast that it seems like teleportation, however.  
MM: does that mean that you can travel through toilets now  
FF: it'd make sense for a piece of shit like him.  
FG: I'm electing to ignore that.  
MH: DID YOU SEE THE STATUE CHOROMATSU-NIISAN?????  
PP: Ah, yes. It appears that our lovely Jyushimatsu has left a wonderfully crafted aluminum statue of our amazing consort.  
FG: Yes. Why did you have to waste our grist making this?  
MH: BECAUSE IT'S FUN!  
MH: YOU SHOULD TRY IT :D  
MM: yeah you should have fun  
MM: this is a game after all ;)  
MM: hold on  
MM: choromatsu  
MM: make this  
MM: sRe001eb  
FG: Why?  
MM: do it  
MM: youll thank me  
MH: THERE'S SO MUCH BEER EVERYWHERE!!!!!  
PP: The code is for…beer?  
MM: ;)  
MM: 100 beers  
PP: That is an absolutely preposterous amount of beer.  
MM: thought you might need it choromatsu  
MH: I AM ENTRENCHED IN BEER.  
FG: Holy shit.  
FG: Osomatsu-niisan.  
FG: Stop it.  
FG: Just.  
FG: Please, for all things good and holy, take this game seriously for once.  
FG: I know this is a game. But this isn't child's play.  
FG: What are you even doing right now?  
MM: screwing around your planet  
FG: How did you get here so quickly? No way could you have built up to the first gate already.  
MM: yeah i didnt  
MM: gcat teleported me here  
FG: Oh god. GCat is here?  
PP: May I inquire what a GCat is?  
MM: its a weird white cat with a green tongue that has space powers  
MM: it appears in homestuck  
MM: guess it makes sense itll be here too hahahahahaha  
FF: so that’s where the little fucker went.  
FG: You know something about this?  
FF: yeah i guess.  
FF: one of the strays i play with is a white cat that seems magic.  
FF: i was wondering where it went.  
PP: How interesting that your feline friend has such influential magic as to bend the forces of space itself! Surely this cat must have had its reasons, sending Osomatsu to the Land of Aluminum and Frogs.  
FF: like i said before osomatsu-niisan.  
FF: help fappymatsu with the damn frog shit if it's so hard.  
FF: what do you have to even do?  
FG: You're supposed to breed frogs.  
FG: In essence.  
FG: I'm not having much luck, unfortunately. I think I'm missing something.  
MM: missing what  
FG: I don't know.  
FG: Wait.  
FG: Shit. Say it louder.  
FG: It's a ring.  
FG: We need to stoke The Forge before we can begin the Ultimate Alchemy.  
FG: That's what she's telling me.  
PP: I beg your pardon?  
PP: With whom are you conversing?  
MM: is it an exile  
FG: Yes.  
FG: She's the White Queen from the far future, currently residing in an apocalyptic version of Earth.  
FG: She started giving me instructions a short time ago.  
FF: isn't that your sprite's job?  
FG: My sprite is fucking useless, thanks to a certain someone.  
MM: oh come on give pornsprite another chance  
FG: No.  
MM: yes  
FG: No.  
MM: yes  
FG: No.  
MM: yes  
FG: No.  
MM: yes  
FG: No.  
MM: yes  
FG: No.  
MM: yes  
FG: Goddammit. Fine.  
FG: I will.  
FG: If and only if you come and help me stoke The Forge.  
MM: you got yourself a deal lmao  
MM: where do you want to meet  
FG: There's a lake a few kilometers north of where you are.  
FG: Go over there and I'll port my way there.  
MM: sweet  
MM: hold on bbl  
MM: someones messaging me  
MM: ill be there in a bit

Oh my! That was an interesting conversation! I certainly hope my wonderful audience has not become too bored with listening to my brothers' ramblings. It does my heart much good to see that they are prospering with their game-related endeavors. I suppose I should cut this portion of narration off for now, as this chapter is becoming quite lengthy. Until later, my ✧*:･ﾟKaramatsu Darlings*:･ﾟ✧!


	26. Chapter 26

Well hello there, my wonderful readers! I hope you all are having the most wonderful of times on the most wonderful of days. Why is this day so wonderful? Heh. One glance at my smoothly eloquent narration and you shall know why, my audience.

So, where shall we begin? Well, you all may be wondering where I am right now! No longer am I in the glorious Land of Magnesium and Geodes, for I found that questing whilst hosting this tale being very difficult, if I do say so myself! Fortunately, I came across a very helpful little portal which gave me passage to this wonderful little study from which I can broadcast my narration. It’s unlike any room I've ever seen before. It's a simple office with a few pieces of furniture, and quite unusual décor. Every single square centimeter of this room's building is covered in odd pieces of imagery. Some of these seem vaguely familiar to me. Surely I've seen this image of a shiba inu staring suggestively toward me. Or this frog on a unicycle. And this comic strip featuring a dog in a burning café. Yes, these are most definitely the "dank memes" I hear my some of my brothers refer to occasionally. Osomatsu tends to be the most vocal regarding such internet phenomena, and takes much pleasure in referencing them in his speech occasionally. Unfortunately most of the aforementioned references go over my head. But never fear! Todomatsu and Choromatsu seem to understand such discourse very well. Even if they are a bit vexing with these "memes", it looks like they are quite entertaining at times.

Regardless, whoever decorated this room must have very strange taste. Some glitter ought to spice things up!

I'm such a silly person! 

Wait, why did I say that?

Ah well! I am getting off track yet again! Now, back to our lovely story. You see, I realize that to give you audience members the most optimal reading experience, I must offer vignettes from many different perspectives! And while unfortunately I cannot access all of my brothers' discourse amongst themselves, I still do have access to my dear Sburb server application. Therefore! Let us have a look at what Todomatsu is up to now, shall we? It looks like he has finally awakened from his sulfur-induced slumber.

Oh? It looks like my youngest brother is messaging someone.

\-- heartlessDemon [HD] began pestering fappyGap [FG] at some arbitrary time --

HD: Choromatsu-niisan!!!!!! (°ロ°)  
HD: What's happening?  
HD: I just woke up in this really ugly and smelly place and I don't know what to do.  
HD: One minute I was in this weird purple place and next thing I know I'm here. ლ(°ロ°"ლ)  
FG: Well, the purple place you were just at was Derse, which is one of two planets Sburb players dream on.  
FG: You're likely on your land now, which is a personalized planet for you to complete quests on, in short.  
FG: I heard your land was pretty nasty, but it's really that bad?  
HD: I haven't even left Sutabaa yet and the fumes here are already terribly acrid. (；￣Д￣)  
HD: I guess the dead bodies aren't helping either.  
FG: What.  
HD: Yeah.  
HD: My boss and this one customer got transported here with me.  
HD: And now they're dead.  
HD: Maybe the fumes were so pungent that they died.  
HD: It's a shame too. I had the customer's coffee all ready  
HD: I was like "Eryn! Come get your coffee!" ☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ  
HD: But then I got knocked out! (－‸ლ)  
FG: That sucks.  
FG: Guess the coffee's gone bad too.  
FG: But anyway, maybe you should try alchemizing a gas mask or something.  
FG: You're going to ruin your sinuses at this rate.  
HD: Right, right.  
HD: Have you seen Karamatsu-niisan, by the way? =＾● ⋏●＾=  
FG: No, I haven't.  
HD: Ah. That idiot won't respond to me! (╬⓪益⓪)  
HD: Isn't he supposed to help me build my house up or something?  
FG: Yes.  
FG: Sigh.  
FG: He's gone missing?  
FG: My expectations for this session have all but been killed at this point.  
HD: Is it because Osomatsu-niisan keeps screwing everything up?  
FG: Yes. But also.  
FG: We're probably goners, to be realistic.  
FG: Most Sburb sessions don't succeed, and quite honestly?  
FG: Out of all the people who could have played this game, why us?  
FG: We're all just a bunch of shitty NEETS.  
FG: And here we are, trying to beat an insanely hard game in the hope of becoming gods.  
HD: (⌣_⌣”)  
FG: Oh well. I have to go.  
FG: Osomatsu-niisan is here.  
FG: Try not to die.  
HD: Alright, bye Choromatsu-niisan.☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ

\-- fappyGap [FG] ceased pestering heartlessDemon [HD] at who knows what time --

Ah, that was certainly an interesting peek into my brothers' trials and tribulations! But at the very least, they seem to be doing plutôt bien. Most certainly we can infer that after this conversation, Todomatsu attempted to explore his planet and begin his quests, while Osomatsu and Choromatsu valiantly began their adventures on how to stoke The Forge. While I am not quite sure what "stoking The Forge" entails, I am sure it will prove itself quite the escapade, for how intensely Choromatsu extoled its importance. 

But I must beware, for they are closer than I might think!

Ah, there it is again! Why did I utter such a ridiculous statement? Osomatsu and Choromatsu are nowhere near my current vicinity, are they? It must be impossible! Especially so given my peculiar residence at this present moment. Yes of course, I am sufficiently shrouded in this location, this completely disjointed void from anywhere else in this story.

so this is it?   
Yeah. This is it.   
He's got to be somewhere around here.   
Just listen.   
Can't you hear him talking?   
yeah a little bit   
what the fuck is this place   
what happened to those little nametags that appeared by our speech   
I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with how Karamatsu's a Void player.   
No wonder he could disappear so easily and stay undetected.   
so many memes   
this is an absolutely preposterous amount of memes   
yeah boiiiiii   
Shut the fuck up.

Wait, are those my brothers? Present? Here?

It sounds like they're headed toward me.

Non, non, non.

It appears I have made a mistake.

hi karamatsu!


	27. Chapter 27

Hello, my dear readers! It seems as though I have a couple complications regarding this story's continu-

Karamatsu-niisan.

Ah, yes, my brother?

What the fuck are you doing.

I just told you a few minutes ago, I am narrating this tale. Look! I am speaking to our audience right now! You asked me to prove authenticity for my explanation, well here you have it! Certainly my audience is filled with jubilation at the moment their eyes rest upon the ocean blue hue of my ✧*:･soothing narration*:･ﾟ✧. So if you please, can you two kindly leave me be so I can tell this story properly?

lol thats not how this is going to work  
we already know that you cant stay here  
and that you arent going to stay here

Well, we don't know that for sure. If you manage to fuck this up and don't get him to come along with us, then we'll probably all end up in a doomed timeline.

naaaaaah dont worry i got this down pat

You've literally never tried this before how can you say that you've got this down pat.

;)

but really tho  
karamatsu why are you doing this  
what are you even doing  
future me told me some stuff but id like to hear it from you

Ah, of course it was to give the readers of this story the most optimal of experiences, heh. No doubt that the previous "authors" of this story were frightfully unsatisfactory in their narrative execution, don’t you think?

karamatsu thats bullshit and i think we all know that

For once, I think you're right. Karamatsu isn't the type of person to do this kind of thing, right?

Oh really! Then what kind of person am I, Choromatsu?

What? Hmm.

You're the kind of person who would want to try to make people like them. But you're just so ignorant about how to do it that you just end up screwing around in your own imaginary world. You seek attention and praise, but at the end of the day, you're really just a clueless narcissist. 

hahahahahaha wow choromatsu  
honestly though, i think youre wrong  
i mean youre right about karamatsu being attention seeking, but hes not a clueless narcissist  
if anything, were the clueless ones

Eh? What do you mean? Just look at him! He ditched us all just to fuck up this story's narration. And for what? Popularity? Notoriety?

…

karamatsu, why did you really run off and take over the story?

I…was frustrated.

why? are you sad that you got pulled away from your new fashion school and cant really go back?  
being there must have been fun  
and we kinda uprooted you from all that

On the contrary, no. While my stay at that institution is wildly enriching beyond my hopes, nothing compares to being able to spend quality time playing games with my wonderful brothers.  
I just can't help but feel a bit neglected. Not by you in particular.  
But.  
Have you ever gotten the inkling that those quasi-supernatural metabeings who once ordained control over this story had unusual modalities for executing the telling of our adventures?

Sure. The narration style is supposed to be based off of Homestuck's narration style, right? So that's a quite unusual method for story-telling.

i guess switching characters to "be" is kinda awkward  
but its fun hahahahahaha

That's exactly it! The readers have all "been" you all, my wonderful brothers, many times since our story's introduction. But I have yet to have the readers "be" me once since the very beginning of this story's introduction! I think you can understand that it can be quite frustrating! No doubt that the writers of this tale have it in for me.

huh

Really? The readers haven't "been" you since the introduction?

Yes, really! But of course no one noticed right? That's all as well. No one ever notices. 

thats not true

Are you sure?? You've hardly spoken to me throughout this entire adventure! Only when you, or "future you", whatever the hell that means, comes to tell you something is direly wrong do you acknowledge me! And you, Choromatsu, you forgot to include my name when figuring out our client server chain! Not to mention how when you all do end up speaking to me, it's just to inveigh my "painfulness". What is "painfulness", anyway? All I intend to do is bring joy and friendship among my peers, yet they think it painful?? You know what's really painful? This ridiculous cycle of me being ignored!!

ah  
but i like your painfulness  
actually, lets not even call it painfulness  
what about charm?  
yeah lets go with that  
your outlandish poses  
your stupid guitar  
sparkly pants and leather jacket  
and even the way you sprinkle in phrases from languages you dont know  
theyre all part of what makes you karamatsu

You really think that? Even what you said about my fashion taste? I've been beginning to think that people never really liked it as much as I thought in the past.

sure. ive always wanted to try on your leather jacket and sunglasses at least once  
theyre really nerdy but kind of cool in a weird way lmao

Are you sure abou-

choromatsu you are wearing a literal toga right now  
you cant talk

Why-

hahahahahaha karamatsu i see youre smiling dont try to hide it  
thats a good thing  
but really youve gotta bring back those other people you banished or whatever  
seriously were all going to be doomed if you dont  
literally

How so? There's no way that banishing two people to the void can doom us all, am I correct?

not really  
you see  
a version of me told me to come get you from over here  
and that future me had already done that and was telling past me to do it  
to seal up a time loop

What? I am not sure if I understand.

ok yeah thats a really shitty explanation  
long story short, if you dont cut out the narration fuckery were all going to succumb to some sort of really bad time paradox thing  
its probably best to not find out what that entails

Actually, this will probably become an offshoot timeline that ends up with all of us dying and the universe being destroyed until there's nothing resembling anything left.  
If you don’t come back.

yeah basically  
but actually  
being in an offshoot doesnt sound all that bad however  
we can all die and live on as dream bubble ghosts or whatever  
theres no work  
or responsibilities  
we wont ever have to get jobs  
;)

Wow.  
Even if that were a sensible option, can we exist as dream bubble ghosts? Do dream bubbles exist in our session? I don't remember them being a default Sburb mechanic.

eh  
lets discuss that later i think weve lost karamatsu

Oh, ah, I am quite fine! Even if I am a bit at a loss as to what you're talking about. But no matter what, I definitely do not wish doom upon my lovely brothers. However, there's one issue with bringing back the original tellers of this story.

What's that?

I don't know how to do it.

aw shit  
so are we fucked now

No, there's got to be a way to get them back.  
Karamatsu, how did you banish the authors in the first place?

Ah, I used this piece of machinery. The disappearifier I alchemized a bit earlier.

Hmm. Can I see that?

Sure, my brother.

maaaaaan i cant believe you managed to run this story for so long  
im kind of impressed  
it must be hard work  
i bet if i were in charge of this thing, id just start copying and pasting lines over and over to fill up space lmao

Non, non, non. That’s no way to tell a quality story, my brother. But supposed doom notwithstanding, I sure would have done an exquisite job at continuing to tell our story.

im sure lol  
how did you get to tell parts of our story that you couldnt see though?  
do you get some sort of omniscient author powers when you assume control over the story or something

No, unfortunately not. I had to resort to making do with what knowledge I had access to. Which mainly consisted of the knowledge I gathered through pesterlogs between us. And pesterlogs with Todomatsu, since I can view his computer screen through my Sburb server application.

you were eavesdropping on totty?

Well, if you want to put it like that, yes-

nice! ;)  
id like to see him try to keep secrets from all of us now lmao  
well  
if he ends up talking to someone other than us  
which he might i guess

Wow out of all the rooms in this dump and you all choose the meme-filled one?

Ay yall were busy messing up shit, eh?

Oh! It appears you two have returned!

Karamatsu, you do realize that this disappearifier has a switch that puts it into appearifying mode right?

Heh. I suppose I overlooked that tiny detail.

lmao

Oh yeah but Osomatsu had a point there. You don't get "omniscient author powers" or whatever when you sequester us from our rightful position 

So Karamatsu, you did end up omitting a bunch of stuff during your narration.

Goddammit. We can't have the readers be all confused as to what's happening.

C'est la vie, what's been done has been done, right?

Someone fix this.

How can you fix something that was never functional in the first place //shot

Very true. But don't worry. We can do something like a flashback if it's really necessary

thatd be good

Yeah. Actually, the readers are probably wondering about how Osomatsu and I got here in the first place. Because a certain someone gave the shittiest explanation on that in the entirety of Paradox Space.

lmao

Ok, we can totally do a flashback on that or something

Which one of you guys is getting the flashback perspective though

me obviously ;)

No, me!

Of course

ow!  
ARE YOU STUPID?  
ARE YOU FRIGGIN STUPID??????  
DONT FUCKING WHACK ME WITH THAT DAMN THING

Oh, my bad.  
Looks like my hand slipped.  
You're lucky this thing is turned off, or else I may have banished you to the void like Karamatsu did with these girls.  
My mistake.

Now, my brothers, this is not the time to fight.  
Why don't we settle this conflict like real men.

Mahjong?

no way youre all filthy cheaters

Why is this an argument that I’m witnessing

Because these people are dumbasses 

Who are you calling dumbasses?

Tbh everyone here //shot  
But anyway, how about rock, paper, scissors

alright

That works.

rock, paper, scissors, shoot

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

yay, i won!

Don't lie to the readers! I clearly won!  
Paper beats rock everyone knows that.

hehehehehehe

Yeah Choromatsu won lmao

HA.

Ok this was fun time to leave yall Karamatsu don't do this again jfc;;

We promise to not neglect you in the narration from now on

Heh, a fair deal. Come my brothers, let us depart from this place at once!

yeah. bye everyone!  
see you somewhere uh  
well i guess theres a flashback coming up with me in it so see you then! :)

Actually, I have one question before we go.  
What's all that rubble over there?

Oh that's our fourth wall

Thanks for utterly demolishing it

Oh crap we're just making it worse, aren't we?

Yeah kind of

I mean it’s not like this was any less of a shitpost before

Still though, we ought to maintain some semblance of integrity when telling this thing right

Ah, you’re right there. 115% right, may I add

Shit. I am so sorry for our despicable behavior. I promise we'll do this properly from now on.

Alright sweet

Now leeeeeeaaaaaaveeeeee

bye again!

Farewell, my ✧*:･ﾟKaramatsu Darlings *:･ﾟ✧!

I am so fucking sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> [Matsustuck Tumblr](https://matsustuckfic.tumblr.com/)  
>  Also, here's a shoutout to [ our wonderful beta reader!](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Sakuchi_san/profile)


End file.
